I rarely get my nails done. I like having manicured nails and toes, but I practically never pay for them to be done and this is why:
1. I seriously think I have the most easily chippable nails in the world. I swear I can sit down with my wrists shackled down to the chair and I would still manage to nick a nail, causing a obvious space of missing polish. So I figure if I am capable of cutting and filing my own nails, not to mention have a pretty steady hand when it comes to painting them, why not just do them myself. It saves me money, and I don't feel like it's as much of a waste if I chip them instaneously.
2. I am ridiculously ticklish. Everywhere. And this includes having someone rub lotion up and down my arms and especially my feet and legs. For the safety of everyone involved, it's just better if I avoid these sort of situations. I assume the manicurist would not enjoy taking a foot to her face, as I twitch uncontrollably in laughter.
3. Lastly, I think I just lack that girl gene that makes getting "pampered" something I love to do. I mean I love to do my hair and make up and my own nails, but I get really uncomfortable when other people do them for me. It's probably my awkwardness getting nervous about having to make conversation about life, etc. I am very independent, and I hate relying on other people to get things done. Every now and then it is nice to have your eyebrows done, or cuticles cut back, but I am pretty decent at maintaing them in between the occasional visits. I mean I have yet to have any real complaints on my overall appearance. (With the exception of my horribly tacky taste sometimes...an inevitable characteristic of a creative mind.)
But despite all of these very logical reasons, I was seduced by the idea of catching up with friends I hadn't seen in a while, and found myself at a local nail salon with two of my good friends.
As all three of us arrive and congregate for our quick hellos, they whisk my two friends off to get their treatments started right away. I figured this would be good, because I was only intending to have my toes done. (I have to do a lot of work tomorrow involving opening boxes and moving things around, and I just know my nails will be destroyed in the process.) So I sit in the waiting area alone, where I proceed to be talked into playing "pet shop" by the little daughter of one of the manicurists. She was just so cute and I'm a sucker for little kids. After about fifteen minutes on being scolded by the adorable three year old, I just wasn't playing the game correctly, it's finally my turn to get started.
They tell me to sit in the massage spa chair in the corner, isolated from my friends, which immediately put an end to us catching up with each other. One women proceeds to to set up a manicure station as my feet are soaking. I try to stop her by saying "Oh I just want my toes done." Her grand rebuttal was "but we do it all at the same time." I was still hesitant, but it only took her about a minute more of pestering before I caved. So there I sit in this giant chair, with one woman working on my nails and the other on my toes. Both are criticizing the obvious lack of care I have for having my "digits" done professionally on a regular basis. (And people wonder why this isn't an enjoyable experience for me.) Then they insist on turning the massage chair on, which just made me break out into hysterics over the whole situation. I'm sitting there in this big black chair being jumbled around, gyrating, and pushed back and forth, while the two women mumble to each other. Grumpily, it takes them a couple minutes longer because I want the same color on my nails and toes, and of course there is only one bottle. After twenty minutes of being criticized and thrown around in the chair, I am finally done, and they don't waste any time in getting me up and out and on my way.
Low and behold, as we're getting pushed out the door, I scramble for my sunglasses and smudge a nail. Awesome. Money well spent. I think for now, I'll stick to my own mani/pedi's. I rarely talk trash on the state of my own nails, or question my lack of a boyfriend.
I think Anjelah Johnson says it best in her stand up routine. It's funny because it's true. Oh so true.
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