and then it got weird...

back in the day, when i didn't have a blog (so like two months ago) i always thought that this would be something so weird and characteristic to my personality, that it would of course, have to be a post someday. and now, with my very own blog, i am going to make my dreams become reality. see kids, when you set your goals high, your aspirations come true...

automatic flushing toilets. 

they just seem to be all the rage. i'm not really sure why. i guess most likely they cut down on the amount of germs you contract from touching the handle to flush in a public bathroom. and for that i suppose i can give them some respect. i suppose not everyone has the balance of a flamingo, as they use their other leg to push the lever down. and also not being much of a germ-a-phobe myself, flushing the toilet the old fashioned way never really got to me. but boy, these automatic flushers have, and here i will tell you why:

situation #1

so you walk into the stall, hang your bag up, or your jacket, turn around to get a toilet seat cover and neatly lay it down. make sure you punch the whoha hangy thing down, so the whole thing doesn't slip off as you slowly maneuver yourself down to sit. you do your business, stand up, pull your pants up, and without warning the toilet has already begun flushing. you quickly swivel around, but before you can do anything the toilet has finished flushing with all the contents, leaving that lovely seat cover still stuck to the seat. you then proceed to spend the next couple minutes peeling the cover off, throwing it into the bowl, and trying to trick the toilet into flushing again. and let me tell you, those flushers are not tricked easily. 

i mean am i the only one who has this problem? it's like pretty much every time i use a public bathroom, which is quite concerning to me? and if not, please enlighten me, what on earth am i doing wrong?? if on the blessed day that situation #1 is not troubling me, i am of course trapped in...

situation #2

you walk into the stall, get everything set up, do your business, finish up, and the toilet will not freaking flush. so of course you spend the next couple of minutes doing what can only be called as the "automatic flushing jig" to again simulate to the flusher that you are finished. sometimes, if it's a lucky day, you can find a button on the toilet that will manually flush it, but other times, those buttons are seriously camouflaged. and what really makes the situation even more awkward is when there is a line in the bathroom (which for women, happens more often than not) and someone is waiting for your stall. what are you supposed to do, walk out and say. "hi, i'm lauren, and i'm twenty one years old, and i couldn't figure out how to flush the toilet. enjoy!" 

this could create fear in people. i sense an epidemic of toilet phobias in our future. we must do something to stop it, we cannot let these automatic flushers control us. i just don't understand why going to the bathroom has to be so difficult. 

verdict: i may be borderline clinically crazy, have just been imagining this whole thing, and now instead of opening the eyes of the world to a serious problem, have just made myself the butt of a lot of toilet humor.