lis-sssss-ping lauren

i am an avid retainer wearer. in fact i have been known to inspire people all over the world to wear their retainers. it has been like seven years since i have had my braces off, but i still like clockwork wear my retainer to bed every night. (well at least my bottom one, because that's the only one i have. long story). call me crazy but i swear my teeth move if i miss a night. despite the years of practice i still have a hint of a speech impediment while wearing it. i like to call it a hint, but i am pretty sure it's fairly obvious. not only does it sound like i have something in my mouth, but i also cannot properly say my s's. instead they come out with a hiss in front of them. so basically every time i say a word with a S, i end up sounding like a five year old doing a snake sound impression.

recently my teeth have been bugging me a bit, so i'm trying to wear as much as i feel socially acceptable. i am sure it's completely all in my head, but it makes me feel better anyway. so this morning i decided to wear it to work, because i was just going to be talking to children, it won't matter, right?

WRONG!

somehow in the heat of the decisive moment i overlooked the fact that i teach sssSwim le-ssSSss-on-ssS. and surprisingly enough, i never noticed it before, the letter S is frequently prevalent in words used to teach swimming. i'll just give you a quick rundown.

Me (calling the next kid into the water) ssssS-u-sssS-an!

Me: Hi, I'm Lauren, come on in. Okay, hold your goggle-ssssS to your eyeball-sssS

Me: How are you? oh goood, How old are you?

Me: Oh, sssssS-even (of course) that would put you in ssssS-econd grade? (yep, this is my life.)

Me: alright well let-ssssS ssssS-tart with ssssS-ome free-ssssS-tyle. 2 lap-ssssS

Me: make sssS-ure you start with a sssssS-treamlime. and keep your head to your ssssS-houlder.

Me: ready sssssS-et GO!

Me: awe-sssS-ome job. let-ssssS do a few lap-ssssS of brea-sssS-t sssS-troke now.

I think you can get the picture. I will have you know that this didn't end. I proceeded to hiss my S's for an entire four hours, while all my coworkers looked at me like i was crazy. i sympathize for those with lisps, because there is really no escaping the letter S. couldn't X be the letter lispers have trouble with. it would be a lot less cruel.

well i hope you enjoyed a piece of my embarassssssing life. have a sssssS-pectacular day!