Dear Man from the Jersey Shore, shopping at my store this afternoon,
First of all this is California. I don't care how popular MTV has made the Jersey shore, but I'm not having it. You're obnoxious accent and "all about me" attitude was not charming the customer service out of me, and I could care less if all you do is gym, tan and laundry. But that's okay, I could tell you were a d-bag the minute you walked over to the graphic thermals. Really? Nothing quite says douche like "Untouchable" written across your chest in a smocked velvet.
But as if that wasn't enough, because it definitely wasn't, I think it was probably pretty unnecessary to melt into a panic over the lack of sizes we had. The shirts are dirt cheap, and we don't have a thermal tree behind the store, so when people buy them, we tend to run out. It's a tough life out there. What I especially loved was the fact that you asked me eight times if we had any in the back. Each time I politely responded with "No", but I guess you didn't hear. I probably should have gone back and checked though, I forgot about how if a customer asks if you have stock in the back ten times, it magically appears. My bad. Even when I explained that I am actually the visual merchandiser for Men's, and therefore I have a very accurate grasp on how much stuff we don't have in our stock room, you didn't seem to quite understand.
What concerned me most though was your apparent worry for what size you wore and whether or not it was going to shrink. The whole situation really seemed to stress you out. For me, it was less stress and more.....frustration. It was pretty disheartening that I actually got to put my degree to use, explaining that a 40/60 cotton/poly blend really wouldn't shrink, being that polyester is a super fiber and all, and it just went in one ear and right out the other. I assume you had more important things to worry about like gym, tan, and laundry. So for the fifth time, when you said, "Are you sure this won't shrink?" I just answered with, "Yeah, you're right, it probably will." I hope you have a good steroid supplier at home, because you're gonna need something to fill out that lack of shrinkage. Although, I have heard steroids could cause some shrinking of their own......
But the cherry on top of the entire rendezvous was when you asked if you could try the shirt on right there. I auto replied yes, because I assumed, like when I try shirts in IN stores, that you had an under shirt on. What you should have asked was, is it okay if I take my shirt off, and stand topless in the front of your store. Being that this is not Abercrombie and Fitch I would have replied, "No, I think that's a bit inappropriate." Because it was. Not one person who walked into the store during the ten minutes you didn't have a shirt on enjoyed it one bit. Especially not me, who had to sit and advise on which size I felt was better. And I have to comment, it looks like you need a little work on both the gym and the tan.
So please spare me next time. I am pretty sure our entire interaction cost me more brain cells than I would have liked to give up. And a little advice for next time: No shoes, NO SHIRT, no service: it's a rule for a reason.
Love,
Lauren
Showing posts with label work. Show all posts
Showing posts with label work. Show all posts
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Work Work Work and No Play
Oh the woes of retail!! It has been a while since I've shared something about the activity that seems to consume most of my life: Work. In fact it's been a while since I have shared anything about my life, there just never seems to be enough time. When I'm not working I'm having enough trouble squeezing in the important things; like school and my two new obsessions: re-watching the entire series of Veronica Mars and playing Words With Friends on "my" iPad. Persnickety crime fighting and scrabble with strangers and friends, all while lying in bed. Life's rough. I know.
But back to my main priority. Work. Work, and more Work. I have become a slave to my job recently because I actually just got a promotion. (insert woo hooo here). I'm moving on up and there is no stopping me now, I'm not going to spend hours listening to customers "return stories" and not make it worth anything. My new position has me working a lot more with the kids and babies departments. So often times, if you're looking for me, that's usually where I am, or somewhere sprinting in between. Since I am always there, people see me and get the impression that I am some sort of childrens clothing connoisseur. The truth of the situation is, I do know a lot about my stores childrens clothing; need to know if we have a certain style? or color? or size? I'm your girl! But if you want to know how the clothes fit, or what size your kid (who is not present I might add) wears, I have no idea, and it's a pretty simple breakdown as to why that is:
I unfortunately haven't been able to wear child sized clothing since I was probably ten, and I neither have a child (thank god) or any children friends to try the clothes on for me, and then provide me with detailed descriptions on how each article of clothing made them feel. I was under the impression those sorts of friendships were frowned upon.
Therefore when you ask me, how do those pair of pants fit, I am baffled as to what you are expecting me to spit out in response. "Well they're a little snug in the waist and loser around the hips and leg area, then they taper in at the ankles so she can accessorize them with little booties. But as a side note, they do make the butt look a little big." Your daughter is six! How does it fit? If it buttons it fits. If she can squeeze that skinny jean over her soccer calves, then they fit. But even better, if you take her to the fitting room, and she puts them on, you'll have your very own personal description of how they fit....to your daughter.
One major thing I have noticed, is that a lot of parents don't know what size their child wears. Now I understand that kids grow, so the sizes can change very rapidly, but there is a quick solution to this, have your child go try on a few options and then go with the one they can securely fasten over themselves. Parents are constantly showing up, sans child, asking me what size their kid wears. "My son's eight, what size should I be looking for?" My silent mind rebuttal: "My father is 55, what size do you think he would wear?" Age does not denote a universal size. For all I know your eight year old could be 150 pounds, or takes after your giant husband and is 5 feet tall. I'm no psychic, so unfortunately I can't help there. Wanna know if we have those bootcut jeans in a 14...we don't. So rather than stressing out the sales associate and yourself for that matter, if you are clueless to what size your kid wears, bring them with you. I can tell you that will be 100 percent more accurate than anything I could offer you.
I hope this has been advice to you all, since I know my main blog reading demographic parents with young children. If I am severely wrong about that, at least it amused you for the five minutes it took you to read. And just remember, the same goes for adults too, believe it or not just because I am 23 does not mean that's the size I wear in clothing. A fun fact for you all to absorb: they stop sizing clothes by age in the toddler sizes. So now you won't look like an idiot asking in the future.
In other, completely off topic news, I am completely putting my entire life on hold in a week and a half to go on a "vacation." I am pretty sure the timing is quite crappy with school and my job etc, but somehow I am making it work. I'll keep you posted on the aftermath of that decision, I'm sure it will be amusing in some sorts. But until then, watch out New Orleans, Jackson, Memphis, Little Rock and Fort Smith...you're in for a ridiculous treat!!
Also, as a P.S vote for my friend Kimi's graphic design for the H&M window display. It's amazing! As is she, and it's really easy to vote!! go here: http://www.yourarthere.com/entry/i-heart-ny/
I'll love you forever if you do it! Well scratch that, I already love you because you read my blog. Well vote, and then let me know....maybe we can work something out. ; )
But back to my main priority. Work. Work, and more Work. I have become a slave to my job recently because I actually just got a promotion. (insert woo hooo here). I'm moving on up and there is no stopping me now, I'm not going to spend hours listening to customers "return stories" and not make it worth anything. My new position has me working a lot more with the kids and babies departments. So often times, if you're looking for me, that's usually where I am, or somewhere sprinting in between. Since I am always there, people see me and get the impression that I am some sort of childrens clothing connoisseur. The truth of the situation is, I do know a lot about my stores childrens clothing; need to know if we have a certain style? or color? or size? I'm your girl! But if you want to know how the clothes fit, or what size your kid (who is not present I might add) wears, I have no idea, and it's a pretty simple breakdown as to why that is:
I unfortunately haven't been able to wear child sized clothing since I was probably ten, and I neither have a child (thank god) or any children friends to try the clothes on for me, and then provide me with detailed descriptions on how each article of clothing made them feel. I was under the impression those sorts of friendships were frowned upon.
Therefore when you ask me, how do those pair of pants fit, I am baffled as to what you are expecting me to spit out in response. "Well they're a little snug in the waist and loser around the hips and leg area, then they taper in at the ankles so she can accessorize them with little booties. But as a side note, they do make the butt look a little big." Your daughter is six! How does it fit? If it buttons it fits. If she can squeeze that skinny jean over her soccer calves, then they fit. But even better, if you take her to the fitting room, and she puts them on, you'll have your very own personal description of how they fit....to your daughter.
One major thing I have noticed, is that a lot of parents don't know what size their child wears. Now I understand that kids grow, so the sizes can change very rapidly, but there is a quick solution to this, have your child go try on a few options and then go with the one they can securely fasten over themselves. Parents are constantly showing up, sans child, asking me what size their kid wears. "My son's eight, what size should I be looking for?" My silent mind rebuttal: "My father is 55, what size do you think he would wear?" Age does not denote a universal size. For all I know your eight year old could be 150 pounds, or takes after your giant husband and is 5 feet tall. I'm no psychic, so unfortunately I can't help there. Wanna know if we have those bootcut jeans in a 14...we don't. So rather than stressing out the sales associate and yourself for that matter, if you are clueless to what size your kid wears, bring them with you. I can tell you that will be 100 percent more accurate than anything I could offer you.
I hope this has been advice to you all, since I know my main blog reading demographic parents with young children. If I am severely wrong about that, at least it amused you for the five minutes it took you to read. And just remember, the same goes for adults too, believe it or not just because I am 23 does not mean that's the size I wear in clothing. A fun fact for you all to absorb: they stop sizing clothes by age in the toddler sizes. So now you won't look like an idiot asking in the future.
In other, completely off topic news, I am completely putting my entire life on hold in a week and a half to go on a "vacation." I am pretty sure the timing is quite crappy with school and my job etc, but somehow I am making it work. I'll keep you posted on the aftermath of that decision, I'm sure it will be amusing in some sorts. But until then, watch out New Orleans, Jackson, Memphis, Little Rock and Fort Smith...you're in for a ridiculous treat!!
Also, as a P.S vote for my friend Kimi's graphic design for the H&M window display. It's amazing! As is she, and it's really easy to vote!! go here: http://www.yourarthere.com/entry/i-heart-ny/
I'll love you forever if you do it! Well scratch that, I already love you because you read my blog. Well vote, and then let me know....maybe we can work something out. ; )
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Stupid Retail Question of the Day
(me: "I'm sorry, we don't have any mediums left in our stockroom.")
"So you're saying that you only stock XXL's in those pants?"
Yep. We carry medium in EVERY other item in the store except THIS ONE. This one we only carry in XXL for fun. It's just a big tease to keep you on your toes, and looks like it worked this time...gotcha!
No sir, that's not what I am saying at all. See funny thing happens here. We put these products out onto the floor, and then people come in, try them on, enjoy the way they look, and then they buy them! It's crazy! Plus sometimes, we keep the same items on the floor for over a month, and throughout that time period MULTIPLE people come in, and try things on and then buy them. And even more spooky, occasionally multiple people come in, try on, and buy the SAME thing...in the SAME size. It's clear to me that you are not familiar with the term "sold out," that's what happens when all of one item in one size disappears. So I apologize for not having the shiny spandex pants that your wife wanted so badly, but please don't address me like a child, with your attitude. It's not my fault your wife can't be original and pick something out that 500 other medium sized women haven't already bought.
"So you're saying that you only stock XXL's in those pants?"
Yep. We carry medium in EVERY other item in the store except THIS ONE. This one we only carry in XXL for fun. It's just a big tease to keep you on your toes, and looks like it worked this time...gotcha!
No sir, that's not what I am saying at all. See funny thing happens here. We put these products out onto the floor, and then people come in, try them on, enjoy the way they look, and then they buy them! It's crazy! Plus sometimes, we keep the same items on the floor for over a month, and throughout that time period MULTIPLE people come in, and try things on and then buy them. And even more spooky, occasionally multiple people come in, try on, and buy the SAME thing...in the SAME size. It's clear to me that you are not familiar with the term "sold out," that's what happens when all of one item in one size disappears. So I apologize for not having the shiny spandex pants that your wife wanted so badly, but please don't address me like a child, with your attitude. It's not my fault your wife can't be original and pick something out that 500 other medium sized women haven't already bought.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Is it you? Or not you?
Maybe it's just me, but I distinctly remember a huge identity theft scare about five years ago. Commercials were playing all over television, people were advising you to stop forking over your social security number, and all retailers were told to always check ID when someone was using a credit card.
I would say over the years the hype has definitely fizzled, and with technology these days, there are all sorts of new ways to commit fraud. I know I use my credit card all the time, and rarely am I asked to show proof of identification. For now it doesn't really bother me, because I know it is really me using the card, but I am sure if my card was stolen, I'd hope they were checking ID's everywhere. The store I work at requires that we ask for ID whenever a customer makes a purchase with a credit card. Most of the time, people expect it, A LOT of times people thank me for asking, they love being reassured that we are actively trying to prevent credit card fraud. But the other day one customer absolutely blew my mind.
This woman was appalled at the fact that I asked for her ID. I honestly have never seen such a dirty look on someones face. She had no idea why I could possibly ever need to see her ID. Isn't that like one of the first things they teach you when you get a credit card? It gets better though. She didn't have her ID on her. (Which I would like to point out, is actually illegal. That's right, you have to carry identification with you at all times, failure to present proof of who you are can be charged as a misdemeanor, sometimes a felony...just an FYI). Not only did she not have ID, she had no other cards or anything at all with her name on it. She literally left her hotel with just her card...in her sweatshirt pocket. I think that's a pretty daring move there, especially as a tourist, good luck finding a cab in SF that takes cards...those are few and far between. Not to mention public transit isn't going to take your visa. I commend your spontaneity, but being stranded in a an unknown city with essentially no money does not sound like a risk I'd like to take.
Anyway, when I kindly apologized and explained I would not be able to let her use her card without identification, she was shocked and angry. She snapped back with, "Am I going to have this problem everywhere I go?" Well I hope so. That is kind of the point...to prevent people who are NOT you, from using your card. How else can we prove that, without some sort of indicator of your identity? I just wonder where this woman has been for the last five years, under a rock? Did she miss all these delightful commercials that were actually pretty funny in getting the point across:
If she did, she sure missed out. I personally thought these commercials were extremely innovative and hysterical. It definitely made me take my social security card out of my wallet. Basically the point I am trying to make is whip out that ID whenever you're using your credit card. Not only are you doing the cashier a favor, you're doing yourself a favor too.
p.s I am absolutely shocked at how many people do not know the difference between credit and debit. Let me clarify. Debit means you have to input a pin number, the number you use when you take money out of an ATM, and then the money is automatically taken out of your account. It's the modern check! Credit on the other hand is like a loan, the card company pays for your purchase, and then you have to pay it back later, when they send you the bill. So please do not get mad at me, when I ask "Credit or Debit", you reply "debit" then swipe your card and shove it quickly back into your wallet, which you then neurotically zip swiftly into your purse, after which my computer tells me your card is actually credit, and I have to ask to see your ID. I don't appreciate your eye rolls as you have to pull your wallet out all over again. Learn the difference between credit and debit and we can ask for your ID card before you shove it back into your bag at lightening speed. It's really not that hard.
I would say over the years the hype has definitely fizzled, and with technology these days, there are all sorts of new ways to commit fraud. I know I use my credit card all the time, and rarely am I asked to show proof of identification. For now it doesn't really bother me, because I know it is really me using the card, but I am sure if my card was stolen, I'd hope they were checking ID's everywhere. The store I work at requires that we ask for ID whenever a customer makes a purchase with a credit card. Most of the time, people expect it, A LOT of times people thank me for asking, they love being reassured that we are actively trying to prevent credit card fraud. But the other day one customer absolutely blew my mind.
This woman was appalled at the fact that I asked for her ID. I honestly have never seen such a dirty look on someones face. She had no idea why I could possibly ever need to see her ID. Isn't that like one of the first things they teach you when you get a credit card? It gets better though. She didn't have her ID on her. (Which I would like to point out, is actually illegal. That's right, you have to carry identification with you at all times, failure to present proof of who you are can be charged as a misdemeanor, sometimes a felony...just an FYI). Not only did she not have ID, she had no other cards or anything at all with her name on it. She literally left her hotel with just her card...in her sweatshirt pocket. I think that's a pretty daring move there, especially as a tourist, good luck finding a cab in SF that takes cards...those are few and far between. Not to mention public transit isn't going to take your visa. I commend your spontaneity, but being stranded in a an unknown city with essentially no money does not sound like a risk I'd like to take.
Anyway, when I kindly apologized and explained I would not be able to let her use her card without identification, she was shocked and angry. She snapped back with, "Am I going to have this problem everywhere I go?" Well I hope so. That is kind of the point...to prevent people who are NOT you, from using your card. How else can we prove that, without some sort of indicator of your identity? I just wonder where this woman has been for the last five years, under a rock? Did she miss all these delightful commercials that were actually pretty funny in getting the point across:
If she did, she sure missed out. I personally thought these commercials were extremely innovative and hysterical. It definitely made me take my social security card out of my wallet. Basically the point I am trying to make is whip out that ID whenever you're using your credit card. Not only are you doing the cashier a favor, you're doing yourself a favor too.
p.s I am absolutely shocked at how many people do not know the difference between credit and debit. Let me clarify. Debit means you have to input a pin number, the number you use when you take money out of an ATM, and then the money is automatically taken out of your account. It's the modern check! Credit on the other hand is like a loan, the card company pays for your purchase, and then you have to pay it back later, when they send you the bill. So please do not get mad at me, when I ask "Credit or Debit", you reply "debit" then swipe your card and shove it quickly back into your wallet, which you then neurotically zip swiftly into your purse, after which my computer tells me your card is actually credit, and I have to ask to see your ID. I don't appreciate your eye rolls as you have to pull your wallet out all over again. Learn the difference between credit and debit and we can ask for your ID card before you shove it back into your bag at lightening speed. It's really not that hard.
Monday, December 21, 2009
WARNING!
Having a vast 5 months of retail experience, I pretty much consider myself very knowledgeable on the subject. At first I couldn't understand how stores could get so messy and how consumers could turn into vicious animals at the glance of a "sale" sign. But then I discovered the worst predator of all, the one that makes the hair on your arms stick up, the one that makes your eyes bug out at sight, the one that has you fleeing to your mother...
The dreaded One Handed Shopper!
Now let's clear a couple things up: I'm not talking about someone who physically only has one hand, I am not trying to be politically incorrect in talking about the disabled. I, on the other hand (no pun intended, or maybe pun was intended) am speaking of consumers who shop with only half focus, because their other hand is preoccupied with a cell phone conversation, or holding their child's leash, or carrying the fifteen other shopping bags they have. These are people who destroy stores, who turn your neatly folded shirts into unrecognizable piles.
Retailers beware!!
These one handed monstrosities are the most dreadful creatures. They walk around stores like they own the place, too high and mighty to even bother cleaning up after their storm. So to all those one handed shoppers, here is what I have to say to you:
REALLY?!
get your priorities in order! either you want to shop, or you want to talk on the phone. multitasking saves time, i get it, but honestly you're barely focused on either of the tasks your doing, and you are doing poorly in both of them. and what is it about walking around a store while on the phone that entices you to touch EVERYTING? are you talking to the devil? is he saying "now touch the polos, okay good, now touch the tank tops, small, medium AND large" if you're not gonna buy it, which i can tell you, you aren't, just be the bigger person and walk past it. enjoy it with your eyes. they deserve a treat every once in a while.
if you're child needs to be on a leash, then he should not be shopping with you. or maybe out in public for that matter. next time, try going to a baby store, that way you can shop for a stroller, and then take your child out with some dignity. leashes are for dogs, not children. side note: that ten foot retractable leash you have your child attached to ties up one of your hands, but none of your child's. so while you're wreaking one handed havoc over my store, you're kid is following by example...in the section across the way.
if you have fifteen shopping bags; go home! you have enough stuff. you have lost all aerodynamics, and with those bags you can kiss your agility goodbye. there is nothing like trying to weasel through a crowd when you have added 2 feet of width to your either side. while i do respect the talent and true athleticism it takes to balance all those bags, while still being able to browse other stores, i do not respect the fact that you just picked off each folded shirt one by one and created a mush pot in the middle of the table.
so next time you're out and about shopping, remember, USE BOTH HANDS! you might even be surprised in how much more efficient it can be...
The dreaded One Handed Shopper!
Now let's clear a couple things up: I'm not talking about someone who physically only has one hand, I am not trying to be politically incorrect in talking about the disabled. I, on the other hand (no pun intended, or maybe pun was intended) am speaking of consumers who shop with only half focus, because their other hand is preoccupied with a cell phone conversation, or holding their child's leash, or carrying the fifteen other shopping bags they have. These are people who destroy stores, who turn your neatly folded shirts into unrecognizable piles.
Retailers beware!!
These one handed monstrosities are the most dreadful creatures. They walk around stores like they own the place, too high and mighty to even bother cleaning up after their storm. So to all those one handed shoppers, here is what I have to say to you:
REALLY?!
get your priorities in order! either you want to shop, or you want to talk on the phone. multitasking saves time, i get it, but honestly you're barely focused on either of the tasks your doing, and you are doing poorly in both of them. and what is it about walking around a store while on the phone that entices you to touch EVERYTING? are you talking to the devil? is he saying "now touch the polos, okay good, now touch the tank tops, small, medium AND large" if you're not gonna buy it, which i can tell you, you aren't, just be the bigger person and walk past it. enjoy it with your eyes. they deserve a treat every once in a while.
if you're child needs to be on a leash, then he should not be shopping with you. or maybe out in public for that matter. next time, try going to a baby store, that way you can shop for a stroller, and then take your child out with some dignity. leashes are for dogs, not children. side note: that ten foot retractable leash you have your child attached to ties up one of your hands, but none of your child's. so while you're wreaking one handed havoc over my store, you're kid is following by example...in the section across the way.
if you have fifteen shopping bags; go home! you have enough stuff. you have lost all aerodynamics, and with those bags you can kiss your agility goodbye. there is nothing like trying to weasel through a crowd when you have added 2 feet of width to your either side. while i do respect the talent and true athleticism it takes to balance all those bags, while still being able to browse other stores, i do not respect the fact that you just picked off each folded shirt one by one and created a mush pot in the middle of the table.
so next time you're out and about shopping, remember, USE BOTH HANDS! you might even be surprised in how much more efficient it can be...
Sunday, September 27, 2009
lis-sssss-ping lauren
i am an avid retainer wearer. in fact i have been known to inspire people all over the world to wear their retainers. it has been like seven years since i have had my braces off, but i still like clockwork wear my retainer to bed every night. (well at least my bottom one, because that's the only one i have. long story). call me crazy but i swear my teeth move if i miss a night. despite the years of practice i still have a hint of a speech impediment while wearing it. i like to call it a hint, but i am pretty sure it's fairly obvious. not only does it sound like i have something in my mouth, but i also cannot properly say my s's. instead they come out with a hiss in front of them. so basically every time i say a word with a S, i end up sounding like a five year old doing a snake sound impression.
recently my teeth have been bugging me a bit, so i'm trying to wear as much as i feel socially acceptable. i am sure it's completely all in my head, but it makes me feel better anyway. so this morning i decided to wear it to work, because i was just going to be talking to children, it won't matter, right?
WRONG!
somehow in the heat of the decisive moment i overlooked the fact that i teach sssSwim le-ssSSss-on-ssS. and surprisingly enough, i never noticed it before, the letter S is frequently prevalent in words used to teach swimming. i'll just give you a quick rundown.
Me (calling the next kid into the water) ssssS-u-sssS-an!
Me: Hi, I'm Lauren, come on in. Okay, hold your goggle-ssssS to your eyeball-sssS
Me: How are you? oh goood, How old are you?
Me: Oh, sssssS-even (of course) that would put you in ssssS-econd grade? (yep, this is my life.)
Me: alright well let-ssssS ssssS-tart with ssssS-ome free-ssssS-tyle. 2 lap-ssssS
Me: make sssS-ure you start with a sssssS-treamlime. and keep your head to your ssssS-houlder.
Me: ready sssssS-et GO!
Me: awe-sssS-ome job. let-ssssS do a few lap-ssssS of brea-sssS-t sssS-troke now.
I think you can get the picture. I will have you know that this didn't end. I proceeded to hiss my S's for an entire four hours, while all my coworkers looked at me like i was crazy. i sympathize for those with lisps, because there is really no escaping the letter S. couldn't X be the letter lispers have trouble with. it would be a lot less cruel.
well i hope you enjoyed a piece of my embarassssssing life. have a sssssS-pectacular day!
recently my teeth have been bugging me a bit, so i'm trying to wear as much as i feel socially acceptable. i am sure it's completely all in my head, but it makes me feel better anyway. so this morning i decided to wear it to work, because i was just going to be talking to children, it won't matter, right?
WRONG!
somehow in the heat of the decisive moment i overlooked the fact that i teach sssSwim le-ssSSss-on-ssS. and surprisingly enough, i never noticed it before, the letter S is frequently prevalent in words used to teach swimming. i'll just give you a quick rundown.
Me (calling the next kid into the water) ssssS-u-sssS-an!
Me: Hi, I'm Lauren, come on in. Okay, hold your goggle-ssssS to your eyeball-sssS
Me: How are you? oh goood, How old are you?
Me: Oh, sssssS-even (of course) that would put you in ssssS-econd grade? (yep, this is my life.)
Me: alright well let-ssssS ssssS-tart with ssssS-ome free-ssssS-tyle. 2 lap-ssssS
Me: make sssS-ure you start with a sssssS-treamlime. and keep your head to your ssssS-houlder.
Me: ready sssssS-et GO!
Me: awe-sssS-ome job. let-ssssS do a few lap-ssssS of brea-sssS-t sssS-troke now.
I think you can get the picture. I will have you know that this didn't end. I proceeded to hiss my S's for an entire four hours, while all my coworkers looked at me like i was crazy. i sympathize for those with lisps, because there is really no escaping the letter S. couldn't X be the letter lispers have trouble with. it would be a lot less cruel.
well i hope you enjoyed a piece of my embarassssssing life. have a sssssS-pectacular day!
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Tips from the Wise
i recently acquired a second job working in retail. it's been about three years since i have done anything for work other than teaching swim lessons, so it was definitely a surprise to see how rude society has gotten. i don't go into your place of work, walk up to your desk and push everything off, so you should respect mine too. so in order to prevent the further loss of general manners, i have kindly compiled a list of shopping tips for you to consider on your next retail outing.
(and of course, when i say "consider" i mean "strictly follow!")
1. If you ask for something rudely, it's pretty much a guarantee that we "won't have your size" in the back room. Unless of course we work on commission, but if you had to approach us, we probably aren't getting a commission. therefore you can take your rude attitude to another store that gets paid to kiss your ass.
2. If the shirt is ugly when it's folded, it's still going to be ugly when unfolded. So don't waste your time AND ours.
3. Just because it is on sale DOES NOT mean you have to touch it. Especially if you have no intention of buying it.
4. A pity fold is always greatly appreciated, even if it's wrong. At least we know you have compassion, unlike the other heartless devils who terrorize the store.
5. Bargain shopping is great! Even better when it is an extra 50 percent off! I get it! You want to make sure you get to see everything, to make sure you're really taking advantage of the deal. However, this does not give you the right to push the sales associate out of the way. Or throw things at her.
6. If your size is at the bottom of the neatly folded stack, it's not necessary to pick up the top of the stack and violently dump it out of the way. Just violently enough that each shirt has to be refolded. Thanks.
7. Picking up fifteen items from everywhere in the store and then all the sudden deciding you don't want it and just dumping it on the first employee you see is not very nice. I get what you're thinking, but just hang it on a rack somewhere, we'll get to it eventually. Or here is a crazy idea: you could attempt to put some of it back yourself.
8. If you took it off the hanger...put it back on...right side out.
9. Remember how you're mom always told you to pick your clothes up off the floor? Well just because this isn't your room, doesn't mean that its okay to throw things on the floor.
10. T shirt sizes don't vary with color.Meaning: you do not need to unfold the medium in EVERY color. It's the SAME fucking shirt.
11. Bathing suit season is WAY over by August. Gotta clear it out! Christmas shirts are coming soon! DUH. And fyi: it's not my fault you're an idiot.
In conclusion be nice when you are shopping. Angry and rude is going to get you no where fast. And have some common courtesy...be respectful to the fact that whatever you mess up, someone probably just spent an hour folding it to make it perfect.
P.S today at work a woman asked me where our purses were, and i replied with "well what kind of purse are you looking for? like a purse purse or another kind of purse?"
REALLY LAUREN?!!??
(and of course, when i say "consider" i mean "strictly follow!")
1. If you ask for something rudely, it's pretty much a guarantee that we "won't have your size" in the back room. Unless of course we work on commission, but if you had to approach us, we probably aren't getting a commission. therefore you can take your rude attitude to another store that gets paid to kiss your ass.
2. If the shirt is ugly when it's folded, it's still going to be ugly when unfolded. So don't waste your time AND ours.
3. Just because it is on sale DOES NOT mean you have to touch it. Especially if you have no intention of buying it.
4. A pity fold is always greatly appreciated, even if it's wrong. At least we know you have compassion, unlike the other heartless devils who terrorize the store.
5. Bargain shopping is great! Even better when it is an extra 50 percent off! I get it! You want to make sure you get to see everything, to make sure you're really taking advantage of the deal. However, this does not give you the right to push the sales associate out of the way. Or throw things at her.
6. If your size is at the bottom of the neatly folded stack, it's not necessary to pick up the top of the stack and violently dump it out of the way. Just violently enough that each shirt has to be refolded. Thanks.
7. Picking up fifteen items from everywhere in the store and then all the sudden deciding you don't want it and just dumping it on the first employee you see is not very nice. I get what you're thinking, but just hang it on a rack somewhere, we'll get to it eventually. Or here is a crazy idea: you could attempt to put some of it back yourself.
8. If you took it off the hanger...put it back on...right side out.
9. Remember how you're mom always told you to pick your clothes up off the floor? Well just because this isn't your room, doesn't mean that its okay to throw things on the floor.
10. T shirt sizes don't vary with color.Meaning: you do not need to unfold the medium in EVERY color. It's the SAME fucking shirt.
11. Bathing suit season is WAY over by August. Gotta clear it out! Christmas shirts are coming soon! DUH. And fyi: it's not my fault you're an idiot.
In conclusion be nice when you are shopping. Angry and rude is going to get you no where fast. And have some common courtesy...be respectful to the fact that whatever you mess up, someone probably just spent an hour folding it to make it perfect.
P.S today at work a woman asked me where our purses were, and i replied with "well what kind of purse are you looking for? like a purse purse or another kind of purse?"
REALLY LAUREN?!!??
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