Jeans+ Leggings = : (

With the overwhelming popularity of "jeggings", I think it's important that we ask ourselves when did it become okay to wear pants with elastic waistbands?

Unless you're having a bad day, ill, or you're drastically out of clean laundry and you're rocking sweatpants, you should be able to accept the fact you are over the age of five and are perfectly capable of operating a fly front zipper and button. It's not rocket science, and I think it is just something that you need to come to terms with as a part of becoming and adult. I would say it is similar to things like not being able to throw public temper tantrums, no longer being able to eat off the kids menu, and being chastised for using the swings in the public park. Sometimes sacrifices need to be made; and wearing pants is one of the most important ones. So you might as well do it right, and get yourself a pair of back-pocketed, button up, big girl pants.

To be honest, this "jegging" fad has me absolutely baffled. I'm not sure why people are going crazy over them like they've never seen anything like them before. Well I am hear to tell you that there have been elastic waist banded jeans on the market for years; they're called maternity pants, and they have been readily available in any section geared towards expecting mothers.

I have so many issues with these pants it's ridiculous. I think a big part of the reason grown ups should not be allowed to wear them is because they could not come up with a more age appropriate name. It sounds like something fake and made up, and if this so called "inventor" of the "jegging" had actually created a new product, then they could have taken the time to give it a more thought worthy name. I also cant imagine your boyfriend thinks it's super sexy when you show up for your date wearing giant toddler pants. Unless of course he is into that kind of thing, in which case he should probably be in jail.

I see nothing about these pants that is a good idea. They have been making tight stretchy jeans for years that come fully equipped with a button and a fly, so why we need "tighter" ones I have no idea. Not to mention most of these jeggings come without back pockets or functioning front pockets, which you know I have an even bigger issue with. I only pray that these are a trend that fades quickly, I am sick of dealing with grown adults walking into my store and asking me to point them in the direction of the "jegging."

Although....this is a look I think I could get behind.

WARNING!

Having a vast 5 months of retail experience, I pretty much consider myself very knowledgeable on the subject. At first I couldn't understand how stores could get so messy and how consumers could turn into vicious animals at the glance of a "sale" sign. But then I discovered the worst predator of all, the one that makes the hair on your arms stick up, the one that makes your eyes bug out at sight, the one that has you fleeing to your mother...

The dreaded One Handed Shopper!

Now let's clear a couple things up: I'm not talking about someone who physically only has one hand, I am not trying to be politically incorrect in talking about the disabled. I, on the other hand (no pun intended, or maybe pun was intended) am speaking of consumers who shop with only half focus, because their other hand is preoccupied with a cell phone conversation, or holding their child's leash, or carrying the fifteen other shopping bags they have. These are people who destroy stores, who turn your neatly folded shirts into unrecognizable piles.

Retailers beware!!

These one handed monstrosities are the most dreadful creatures. They walk around stores like they own the place, too high and mighty to even bother cleaning up after their storm. So to all those one handed shoppers, here is what I have to say to you:

REALLY?!

get your priorities in order! either you want to shop, or you want to talk on the phone. multitasking saves time, i get it, but honestly you're barely focused on either of the tasks your doing, and you are doing poorly in both of them. and what is it about walking around a store while on the phone that entices you to touch EVERYTING? are you talking to the devil? is he saying "now touch the polos, okay good, now touch the tank tops, small, medium AND large" if you're not gonna buy it, which i can tell you, you aren't, just be the bigger person and walk past it. enjoy it with your eyes. they deserve a treat every once in a while.

if you're child needs to be on a leash, then he should not be shopping with you. or maybe out in public for that matter. next time, try going to a baby store, that way you can shop for a stroller, and then take your child out with some dignity. leashes are for dogs, not children. side note: that ten foot retractable leash you have your child attached to ties up one of your hands, but none of your child's. so while you're wreaking one handed havoc over my store, you're kid is following by example...in the section across the way.

if you have fifteen shopping bags; go home! you have enough stuff. you have lost all aerodynamics, and with those bags you can kiss your agility goodbye. there is nothing like trying to weasel through a crowd when you have added 2 feet of width to your either side. while i do respect the talent and true athleticism it takes to balance all those bags, while still being able to browse other stores, i do not respect the fact that you just picked off each folded shirt one by one and created a mush pot in the middle of the table.

so next time you're out and about shopping, remember, USE BOTH HANDS! you might even be surprised in how much more efficient it can be...

Tips from the Wise

i recently acquired a second job working in retail. it's been about three years since i have done anything for work other than teaching swim lessons, so it was definitely a surprise to see how rude society has gotten. i don't go into your place of work, walk up to your desk and push everything off, so you should respect mine too. so in order to prevent the further loss of general manners, i have kindly compiled a list of shopping tips for you to consider on your next retail outing.

(and of course, when i say "consider" i mean "strictly follow!")

1. If you ask for something rudely, it's pretty much a guarantee that we "won't have your size" in the back room. Unless of course we work on commission, but if you had to approach us, we probably aren't getting a commission. therefore you can take your rude attitude to another store that gets paid to kiss your ass.

2. If the shirt is ugly when it's folded, it's still going to be ugly when unfolded. So don't waste your time AND ours.

3. Just because it is on sale DOES NOT mean you have to touch it. Especially if you have no intention of buying it.

4. A pity fold is always greatly appreciated, even if it's wrong. At least we know you have compassion, unlike the other heartless devils who terrorize the store.

5. Bargain shopping is great! Even better when it is an extra 50 percent off! I get it! You want to make sure you get to see everything, to make sure you're really taking advantage of the deal. However, this does not give you the right to push the sales associate out of the way. Or throw things at her.

6. If your size is at the bottom of the neatly folded stack, it's not necessary to pick up the top of the stack and violently dump it out of the way. Just violently enough that each shirt has to be refolded. Thanks.

7. Picking up fifteen items from everywhere in the store and then all the sudden deciding you don't want it and just dumping it on the first employee you see is not very nice. I get what you're thinking, but just hang it on a rack somewhere, we'll get to it eventually. Or here is a crazy idea: you could attempt to put some of it back yourself.

8. If you took it off the hanger...put it back on...right side out.

9. Remember how you're mom always told you to pick your clothes up off the floor? Well just because this isn't your room, doesn't mean that its okay to throw things on the floor.

10. T shirt sizes don't vary with color.Meaning: you do not need to unfold the medium in EVERY color. It's the SAME fucking shirt.

11. Bathing suit season is WAY over by August. Gotta clear it out! Christmas shirts are coming soon! DUH. And fyi: it's not my fault you're an idiot.

In conclusion be nice when you are shopping. Angry and rude is going to get you no where fast. And have some common courtesy...be respectful to the fact that whatever you mess up, someone probably just spent an hour folding it to make it perfect.

P.S today at work a woman asked me where our purses were, and i replied with "well what kind of purse are you looking for? like a purse purse or another kind of purse?"
REALLY LAUREN?!!??