midnight madness

As you can tell, I like to write a lot about my family. I guess you could say they inspire me. While I have said many things about my parents, I have yet to spend any real time talking about my siblings, my brothers in particular. (Don't get too excited Tommy and Bobby, the entire post isn't going to be about you.) Anyway for lack of a better word my brothers are kind of Star Wars nerds, in a cool gangsta way of course. Which is pretty limited being they are two white guys, but that's just a whole different story. Since they are seven years older than me, and at some point in my life I was young and impressionable, and not nearly as wise as I am now, I wanted to be just like them. Cut to elementary school Lauren in basketball shorts and a huge Nike basketball shirt. Again, a whole other part of my life we could tap into at a different time. But the point still stays the same, I wanted to do whatever "cool" things they did too.

 Straight up!

I'm pretty sure Star Wars (or Star Trek for that matter) put midnight showings of movies on the map. Because only people with enough passion for the characters and their fictional world, would be crazy enough to spend hours camping out to see a movie that won't be over til almost two thirty in the morning. And it's through that exact portal that midnight movies were introduced into my life. My brothers had that passion. Not quite the "full Chewbacca get up, camping multiple days" passion, but enough that we spent time in line, waiting with five hundred of our favorite Star Wars loving friends, to see the movies. Which I am almost positive I slept through parts of. In high school I was an amateur, I didn't have the right late night mentality. Obviously college has more than fixed that for me. Then of course comic book movies became the craze, and all the big ones started being released at midnight (anything to push those weekend box office totals!). So Star Wars turned into Pirates of the Caribbean, Superman, Batman, Iron Man, HARRY POTTER, and so many more. And unfortunately it would be a big lie if I left out the Twilight Saga.

But, since midnight movies has become such a trend, they practically release everything at 12:01 now. Back in San Francisco, my lovely roomie Kimi at Tv Snobbery and I, became midnight regulars. The reasoning behind it is genius if you ask me; if the movie isn't a huge release, practically NO ONE goes to see the movie at midnight. Which includes cranky kids forced to stay up past their bedtime, our ultimate pet peeve. It cracks me up that parents can't figure out why their kids are crying through the entire movie, I'm no expert but it might be because it's four hours past their bedtime, and they just don't care about Ashton Kutcher's half naked body as much as you apparently do. Midnight movies became SO much more enjoyable not having to deal with people on their cell phones, or kids throwing temper tantrums down the aisles. It was pure bliss. Of course this only applies to the smaller movies we saw, like Adventureland, Hairspray, or The Runaways. Popular movies are a whole different ballpark:

On Thursday night, Kimaaaay and I decided to go see Scott Pilgrim vs. the World. Sounded like a great plan, but what I didn't for see was how popular this movie was gonna be. A duh Lauren!! It's based on a graphic novel. Well silly me was just looking forward to a little laughing with Michael Cera and Jason Schwartzman, but what I really got was a fun filled evening with a hundred of my graphic novel loving friends. I'll break it down for you:

After making a trip to the market to get snacks and magazines we walk into the mall, purchase our tickets and go up to the theater at about ten forty to get seats. (Not because we thought it would be packed, but because I got off work and the theatre is right there). Turns our we weren't even close to being the first people there. It was pretty crowded. Immediately I realize everyone is of high school age, I discover this due to the volume at which they were shouting. Remember when you were in high school and you talked really loudly to get attention from people? No...that was just me? Hmmm. Anyway, everyone is obnoxiously screaming. Thinking they're being cool of course, which just makes me cringe. I try and steer clear of reminding myself how obnoxious I possibly once was at that age. Now pair that with the naivety, and I am just raging with embarrassment. I feel bad for kids in high school who think they know everything, there is just so much more out there, they are unaware of, I had an urge to tell them to just calm down and be patient. (Johnny's gonna grow up to be a douchebag anyway, so no need to shout obscenities at the screen just so he notices you!) Not to mention it wasn't really my type of crowd. I was outcast due to my lack of beanie with animal ears and striped knee socks. I opened my giant issue of Glamour and tried to focus on all the hair/makeup/dating/health tips and avoid any eye contact, so as not to have my lack of geekiness discovered.

Overall the movie was actually really enjoyable. Once I got over all the screaming and cheering from the crowd (IT'S A MOVIE, THEY CAN'T HEAR YOU!) I was also tired and freeeeezing in the theater, which probably attributed greatly to my crankiness. I think I learned that I should definitely do some more research into movies before I decide to see them at midnight.... during the summer....when school is out of session. It was clear we were some of the very few in the over 21 crowd. I tried my best to talk loudly, but it hurts my aging ears. Even Kimi, a fellow nerd, was out of place. I mean here I always thought she put forth all of her passion into her love for sci fi, but it's clear she's been half ass-ing it. Which I think is A-OK. Cause I kinda like her the way she is.

As for my brothers....since I know you are all wondering. They have mellowed in their old age. Not nearly as intense as they once were, but still very avid fans of the Star Wars franchise. And don't forget those Ninja Turtles! Thanks to them I probably know a little more about Star Wars than you do, and I have developed quite a healthy love for comic book movies. And I'm hot. That's right, I'm the perfect girl. Oh juuuust kidding. Up next for sure on the midnight movie list: AAAAARRRYYY POTTTAAAHHH and the Deathly Hallows. Now there's a crowd I can put on my glasses and lightening bolt and get behind.

Oh those crazy kids.  

Retail Re-tales

When I lived in San Francisco the store I worked at was in the heart of the city, right down the street from Union Square, so most of the people I dealt with were tourists from foreign countries. But now that I am back in the valley, the clientele could not be more different. The new store I work at is much smaller and therefore has a much smaller pool of customers. This store being more of a local neighborhoody one, rather than a huge tourist attraction, deals with more returns and exchanges of clothing than I could ever imagine. If there is anything I have learned in the last few weeks, it's that every return has a story.

This is mine:

" I don't have the receipt because I obviously shredded it the minute I got out of the store. I do that with all my receipts. I don't like the possibility of all my information floating around. Identity theft is a big crime, ya know. I also ripped all the tags off the clothes because I don't really like trying things on with that little piece of paper hanging off the side. It just throws the entire look off.

I washed each of the items, because who knows what kind of germs and infestations grow in clothing that has sat in a store for a few weeks. When I washed them, these little holes developed in the front of the dress, most likely because I put the clothes in the washing machine with rocks. A completely normal practice, everyone does it. A dress should be constructed to withstand a rock washing, it is absolutely absurd that it would disintegrate on only the first try.

 After I washed and wore the shirt I bought three times, I realized it's the wrong size. So I'd like to return it, and I would like cash back. I'll take my shirt business to another store. One that has HUGE size labels so I don't ever make this mistake again. I knew when I threw it on for the third time, after my gym session last week, something seemed a little off. This is a XXL, and as you can see, I only wear a XL

Lastly, I have a pair of sandals I bought only a week ago that just completely ripped apart. I was running full speed through sand and then water for about eight hours. Then when I got home, my dog got a hold of them, and it was somewhat of a confrontation struggle to get them back. But as you can clearly see from the shredded nature and teeth marks, these shoes seem to be very poorly made.  I expected twelve dollar shoes to be much sturdier than that.

I am sure that all of this information is really going to help you process this return. Surely since I have had such a traumatic experience, you can make an exception when it comes to taking these items back. I have no receipts and no tags, and nothing to prove that I actually bought any of this stuff recently.. But since they all have sewn in tags that clearly display your store name, I am expecting you to take every destroyed piece back and reimburse me fully. In cash. I also intend to dictate to you all the prices I paid for each of these items. I don't care if it's on clearance now, I paid full price for it. I swear."

pet PEEVED

When did it become okay for people to have conversations on cell phones in quiet public places? i.e. the waiting room of a doctor's office?

I know I have talked about this issue before, but this is honestly one of my biggest pet peeves, and it seems as if the problem is just getting worse. As much as I embrace technology and am absolutely addicted to my *crack*berry, I cannot stand the lack of etiquette people seem to have when it comes to using their cell phones.

From my own personal experience the past few days, it seems that loudly rehashing the events of last evening, to a mystery person on the other line, especially in generally quiet areas such as waiting rooms and elevators, is now an acceptable practice. I guess I missed the memo. This entire time I have been politely leaving these quiet areas to answer my phone in a hushed voice, only to inform the caller that I will call them back when in a more acceptable atmosphere. I had no idea I could have just been enjoying the conversation without exerting any effort to move at all. Think of  all of those wasted extra steps! For a person of my laziness, that really hits me where it hurts.

Call me old fashioned, but I think conversations about how your bowel movements, or lack there of, should be discussed in a more private manner. But what I especially dislike is the fact that you have chosen to have that conversation in a venue in which the surrounding people cannot escape. Believe it or not, I'm not sitting in that Doctor's office reception area at my own leisure, looking for a good time. I'm most likely stuck there. Waiting for an appointment that's an hour behind schedule. Getting up and leaving is not really a feasible option, and therefore I am being forced to listen to the drama you're having with your best friend, and what a dirty whore this supposed best friend is. It may seem shocking, but I don't care. And if I don't really care about something, I most certainly do not want to listen to only half of it. I have no idea what the person on the other line thinks, but judging by your blatant stupidity and rudeness, it's their opinion I'd probably rather hear. If you're gonna be so disruptive to us all, the least you can do is put it on speaker, so we can hear the entire story!

So next time you're sitting in a classroom before it starts, or a movie theater 20 minutes before the show, or riding in an awkward elevator, or sitting in your dentist's waiting area; go ahead and take this advice: Stick to Texting! There is no need to alert the people around you to your idiocy. We can probably already tell from the blank expression on your face. While most offenders in this area are the young teens and adults of this world (it's apparent that our generation has a large dilemma in the manners department), the older generations should not rule themselves out completely. In fact that last three times this has happened, it has been people in their 40's+ causing the problems. While I have great respect for those older and wiser than me, just because you're a "grown up" does not mean the rules don't apply.

please turn off all cell phones and pagers

i have been an avid movie go-er for years. my parents LOVE going to the movies, mainly for the popcorn (see one of the posts below), so as a kid we went a lot. then in highschool that was the cool thing to do on the weekends, because at 14 there really isn't much else to do. and plus there is just something so fun about going and seeing the movie play on a huge screen, in the dark theatre, i just really enjoy it. and don't even get me started about previews. those are the absolute best part! i love previews! i would pay ten dollars to sit and watch previews for two hours, that's how much i love them. but nevermind that, this post is about something more important, something much more troubling than my love for previews...

the extreme decline in movie theatre etiquette.

what the fuck happened in the last five years?! when in gods name did it become okay to answer your cell phone in the middle of a movie?! or bbm your friend the entire time? or record the movie on your camera? (newsflash: if you watch it the first time, you won't have to have it recorded to remember what happened!) or even worse, have a conversation at full volume about how you don't think adam likes you. (well he probably doesn't like dumb hoes who talk in movies! and honestly i don't blame him) i mean is the whisper extinct? and how come i missed that memo?

i just don't get it. and i don't think i ever will. call me a traditionalist, but when i go into a movie theatre, i make sure my phone is on silent, and in my bag, and i don't look at it until the movie is over. (unless of course, it is a horrible movie, and i am trying to figure out how much longer i have to endure it. but even then i try very hard to keep the phone hidden in my purse, and under the seat, so that blaring light doesn't bother anyone else.)

in the last few years alone, movie theatre etiquette has just ceased to exist all together. i cannot tell you the last time i saw a movie in which there wasn't some annoying interruption. whether it be the five 12 year old girls chasing after their 12 year old boy friend in the top row the ENTIRE length of the Hannah Montana movie, or a 5 year old child chewing the stairs of the theatre crying because the 10:45pm showing was clearly past his bed time.

it is just sad that we live in a world where we can't ignore a phone call or a text message for two hours, is it really that urgent and necessary that you answer now? and if it is, why don't you rush up and leave the theatre, so the rest of the patrons can enjoy. you do not need to have the conversation while still watching the movie. despite what you may think you are not in a sound proof bubble. and my god, that light on your phone might not seem so bright to you, because all you are doing is cooing over the fact that he finally texted you, but for me up in the back row, it is ALL i can see. so put your phones away, the boys will love you for not being so freaking desperate. and spending ten dollars to try and hold your arm up and steady for two hours, just so you can have a shitty quality version of only the dialogue and lumpy black shapes moving around, seems really really stupid. REALLY stupid. you must really be dumb to think that is going to be a lucrative business. instead save yourself the trouble, just enjoy the big screen, and you will leave just as satisfied, with both arms intact.

even though i have yet to experience and interruption free movie, i still keep going. i just can't wait that long to watch it in the privacy and silence of my own home. so today i am making the journey again. hears to hoping i enjoy at least three quarters of the movie distraction free!