a letter, with love

Dear San Francisco,

I completely adore the weather you have given us the past few days. It has been absolutely beautiful! I never really appreciated weather until I moved here and saw just how amazing it can be. Sure the fog and rain can get gloomy, but then you give us splendid days like these, and all my troubles just float away. Everyone says Southern California weather is better, and I don't disagree that it's nice down there as well, but it is rare that you walk outside and feel the need to exclaim "What a gorgeous day!". That's what today was here, and yesterday, and the day before. You have enticed me to frolic in your rays of sunshine and spend as much time as I can walking all over this wonderful city. Thank you for some much needed brightening of my day.


(twin peaks; one of my favorite places in the world)
on that same note:

Dear Fellow Southern Californians residing in SF. (particularly girls),

Just because the weather has reached a scorching 65 degrees, and the sun is bearing down brightly on this magnificent city, does not mean it is time for you to make rash decisions. I understand that adjusting to the lack of sunshine can be difficult, terrifying at first, but you need to stay strong, and get a grasp on your excitement. Those bright rays will be calling you, but you need to be in control of yourself and hold back. Laying out in the quad on campus... in your bikini... is not the correct decision to make. Reel in those impulses and take your bikini to the beach, or to your back deck, construct a magnifier to funnel the sun into your dorm room, anything to avoid the quad. If you thought you were blending in to that smooth San Franciscan scene, you just blew your cover. Only those crazy SoCal girls would be out, on campus... in bikinis... in 65 degree weather. Do yourself a favor and buy some tanning shells, the ten minutes of claustrophobia will be well worth the embarrassment you won't have to feel later. Despite what your brain may be telling you, laying outside of the student center (in your bikini) does not make you look cooler, or smarter, it just makes people think you are obnoxious. And from SoCal. No need to dig that weird SoCal vs. NorCal animosity any deeper. Respect the City, get some dignity, and soak up those cold rays like I do, in the privacy of my own home, alone, so no one can judge me.

Love,
Lauren

Salute Your SHORTS!

I wear shorts a lot. To define a lot, as it has recently been brought to my attention, means an abnormally large amount of the time. I LOVE shorts. I wear them rain or shine, which living in San Francisco means my legs are wet more often than they are tan. But hey, I'm actually a genius, because my legs dry off much faster than your soaking jeans, and they weigh less. Schooled!

People think I am absolutely crazy. Which I don't necessarily disagree with, but I don't think it's because I'm a borderline shorts-a-holic. If I had a dollar for every time someone asked me why I'm wearing shorts, I could probably just retire now on my small fortune. And what's my answer to that ever so popular question? Well my first instinct is to always say, "Have you seen my legs?" But then I realize that not everyone knows me and understands my sense of humor. Despite the fact that my calves are bigger and probably superior to yours, I don't want to come off as stuck up on the first impression. But part of looking good, is working your best assets, and since cleavage is never going to happen for me, I gotta have something. Which is why I have spent a lot of time power walking up hills to earn the right to wear shorts whenever I want.

I will admit that I have been wearing pants a lot more recently. This is due partly to the fact that people at work nicknamed me "Shorts" and also the fact that it has been REALLY effing cold up here. I realized my shorts habit was getting a little ridiculous when I was wearing a sweatshirt, a giant puff coat, a scarf, a hat, and then my short shorts. I have learned that surprisingly enough, sometimes pants help keep you warmer.

You can call me nuts if you want, but I am going to keep rocking my shorts. Maybe if I keep dressing like it's warm outside, San Francisco will grant me some sunshine. And if not...I'll just just have to pair my daisy dukes with some rain boots. But before you judge me, dig out a pair of shorts from your drawer, throw them on and take them out for a test drive. You never know, it could be a very freeing experience!

is that a zipper i hear?

my friends and i have a lot of theories we have developed about guys (as i am sure many guys have theories about girls) but this one is one of the most serious offenders. personally it is my biggest turn off, and or course it's the one that occurs most in my boy encounters. so for the girls out there, i feel it is my duty to warn you, and for the guys, maybe just maybe you will learn something.

The Unzipping of the Man Suit.

what is this you ask? well now seems like the perfect time to clarify. there is nothing more attractive in the world than meeting a hot guy, who meets your height requirement, seems to have a great personality, and on top of everything else is very athletic and manly. it just sounds too go to be true. well ladies, it is. because there is nothing worse than that same guy, two weeks later, unzipping his mansuit to reveal that he has a giant vagina. not literally, but emotionally. let me tell you guys, two weeks is not nearly enough time for you to feel like it's okay to reveal your 12 year old girl emotions. two years is not even enough. the second that zipper starts sliding down, i am OUT-THE-DOOR.

despite my hatred of this quality, it seems i have a weakness for these types of guys. maybe it's my sarcastic and "manly" personality that attracts these pseudo guys. but seriously, i don't even keep friends around who are crazy emotional wrecks, why in gods name would i want to date one.

what prompted this post is my new attraction (against my minds will) to this guy. it's really more of an infatuation, he just intrigues me. and i am almost absolutely positive that he is parading around in a mansuit. but his height, and messy hair, and most importantly his hands (i love a guy with great hands), have got me overwhelmed. it's obvious that i have a thing for things i cannot have, or more importantly things i don't even want. maybe its my commitment phobia playing tricks on my mind. it tells me to be attracted to people who it knows ill late freak out about.

but for now, i am thoroughly enjoying the excitement of this new challenge, and the beautiful face isn't so bad to look at either. so at least for the sake of having some fun this summer, let's hope he keeps his mansuit zipped tightly. maybe we can reinforce it with safety pins....just to be safe.

torn

i grew up in the san fernando valley, which is part of the greater los angeles area, and as said before has made the the valley girl you all know and love. when i got into san francisco state i couldn't wait to escape the bubble of self involved anorexia and explore new and different places. i was more than excited to experience life in a city, and if nothing else have an adventure for four years, to at least add to my cultural learning. when i first moved i always assumed i would go back to southern california eventually. i mean i loved the city and the atmosphere, but i am a product of suburbia, and i just couldn't imagine settling down without the possibility of having a front and back yard. but as life would have it, a semester into college and the girls i thought were my best friends decided they didn't want me in their lives anymore. the devastation made me determined to love san francisco even more. and as much as it kills me, i have to thank them for that. i spent the next year and a half throwing myself into the city life. i let go of my fear of public transportation and spent time exploring new parts and places in the city.

i learned about great places to go shopping, to eat, and to just have some fun. but more importantly i think i experienced true san franciscan culture. growing up in a bubble, it never occurred to me that moving to sf would not only be a location change, but it would introduce me to a whole new mentality. everyone is so much more relaxed and laid back. i didn't feel the same sort of pressure to be super skinny, or really tan, or tall and blonde. i was able to feel like i finally fit in somewhere and i truly enjoyed it. i think i really became myself. i realized how much i was censored in highschool, and so much of it was dictated to me by those so called friends. i'm a weird person, and i like that about myself, but it definitely took san francisco to bring it out.

i was in love, and it seemed like i was never going back to southern california. i mean how could you move back to the boring valley, when there was so much fun to be had in the city. and then this year happened. well really this semester. this has been the roughest semester i have had in college so far. i hurt my back three times, which sent me into a frenzy of discouragement and lack of motivation. i feel like every time i tried to get up, i just got shot back down. and sometimes quite literally. the stress of being an adult has finally consumed me, and i don't know what to do anymore. i've never wanted to move home more, in fact i've even considered transferring schools for my last three classes and just getting out as fast as i can. (probably fortunately, it's not possible). i don't think it's southern california i miss. i know it isn't. it's having someone to take care of me that is most appealing. i never thought i would say this, but i cannot wait to move back in with my parents. i'm sick of taking care of everyone, and i just want someone to take care of me. there's nothing like a semester of dragging yourself to doctors, arguing with health insurance, trying to make ends meet with a dead end job, fixing problems in the house, trying to get all the bills paid and worrying about passing your classes to make you want your mom again.

the mighty has fallen. (me being the mighty of course). and the path i am going to take to overcome it is still unclear. i really need a break from life, from everything really, so i can patch myself back up, but that seems next to impossible. i'm just trying to stick it out, but honestly, it breaks my heart to say it, i'm counting down the days til i can get that one way ticket out of the real world, and back to southern cali.

Oh My God!! Like Totally Gag Me With a Spoon!!

in middle school, i thought it would be the coolest thing in the world, if i actually used phrases from Frank Zappa's song "Valley Girl" in my real life. obviously there are a lot of problems with this, but the first i would like to clear up, is that i am an actual valley girl, born and raised. one time my brother's cousin (they're half brothers) came into town from nothern california and told me he was excited to go back to his friends and tell them he met a real live valley girl. at the time i didn't think anything of it, but looking back, that was probably a quiet slam against "my kind." i'll admit that the time in my life where i was like totally using like after like every sentence, and like referring to things like being totally like grody to the max, was definitely not one of my finer moments in history, but hey i was young and didn't know any better.

as i grew up the exaggeration of my valley girls speech shrank, and came what it is today. what i thought is a normal way of speaking. still living in the valley no one ever said anything about it, because that was how everyone spoke. that was the dialect that belonged to our community, and we all used it the same. surprisingly i even survived a year or two in san francisco where people never bothered me about it for the most part. maybe it was because i befriended a lot of people from southern california, more importantly other valley girls. (i wonder now if there was any rhyme or reason to that) anyway, it was not until recently that i have become completely fed up with all the flack people give me for the way i talk.

i came to san francisco because i hated the valley and i wanted out. i absolutely love it here, because it's beautiful, and accepting of all sorts of people, except southern californians i guess. i just don't understand how a group of people who say things like "hella" and "hyphy" all the sudden have the right to make fun of the way i speak. i understand that saying like often, and oh my god, is not one of the most elite ways of speaking, but that is how i learned to speak, and it is in no way wrong. i can't imagine how they think they sound less stupid saying they are "hecka tired" than someone saying they are "like totally tired." to me they sound one in the same.

also for clarification being a valley girl and being a snob are two completely different things. i may have grown up loving the mall, and not wanting to break nails etc, but i have never once been snobby towards someone. according to dictionary. com, a snob is "a person who imitates, cultivates, or slavishly admires social superiors and is condescending or overbearing to others." aka, i think you actually have to be popular to be a snob.just because you are a valley girl, most definitely does not make you popular. (which is a whole different post on its own). so please don't call me a snob. i do not appreciate it.

and just as a last fyi, there are a lot of people from southern california who do not consider themselves better than nothern californians. just some simple folk who want to fit in up in the north and enjoy the beautiful atmosphere.