A Letter, With Love

Dear Beloved Black Friday Shoppers,

I first have to say that I commend your dedication, and applaud your endurance and perseverance. While I myself love to shop, I have never been much for crowds and I lack the patience for waiting long periods of time. So I have to give you credit for your determination for grabbing "great deals." Now that we have gotten that out of the way, you guys need to CALM the fuck DOWN.

It's early, I think my bloodshot red eyes are pretty clearly reiterating that fact. I know you too are suffering from the dark hour, due to your zombie like state and apparent feeling that pajamas were an acceptable outfit for this public outing. So therefore you are really going to need to tone down the rude. I understand that you are tired, I am too, it's 3:00 AM, but if you cannot control your crankiness, I am going to have to suggest that Black Friday shopping is probably not the sport for you. I don't know if you were unsure of what exactly Black Friday entailed, but you should never have expected to get into a store, pick up your items, and then check out in a jiff. Did the hundred other people standing in line with you waiting for the store to open not imply that it could be a bit of a wait at the cash registers? I sure know when I walked in and saw the line wrapped around the entire store my first thought was, "Holy crap! I bet that's a long wait."

Luckily you were able to pass the time with all of your complaining. Nothing makes a line move faster than a bunch of negative remarks being spewed everywhere. And that complaining sure kept you busy, so much so that you had no time to sift through the trash bags of clothes that you had collected to decide what you actually wanted. That's an activity saved for the registers when it is finally your time to check out. It was great just sitting there helpless while you debated whether or not you really needed half of the items in your bag. Way to really actively help in getting that line moving. And don't worry, I don't actually need any space on my cash register to ring things up, bring on the go backs!

Just one last thing, more of a questions really, out of my own curiosity. Did I miss the memo where children no longer have bed times? Is it really appropriate to have your four and five year old kids with you at 3 am, shopping? Not letting them sleep has to be some sort of child abuse...and I know I am no expert in parenting, but the possible reasoning for their crying temper tantrums, could be as a result of their not getting to go to bed. Just something to keep in mind for next time.

Hope you really saved on ALL those deals.

Love,
Lauren

P.S Thanks for this.

No Jimmy, THANK YOU!

I haven't really watched much of Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, mainly because his interviews always seem to be pretty awkward. Why I don't love that, I am not sure. I am usually quite fond of awkward situations, but I guess when I am not directly involved, they just make me uncomfortable. Anyway, I always catch the random clip here and there, and every time I think, hmmm I should really start watching this show. I think I can manage through awkward interviews to see Justin Timberlake and Mr. Fallon perform A History of Rap. (amaaaazing!)

But what I am obsessed with even more right now is this little gem, I stumbled across. Apparently Jimmy is big on correspondence, only problem is he just never has enough time to do it, EVERY week. So he takes some time on Fridays to write thank you notes on his show. Last night I sat for probably and hour and watched a whole bunch of them in a row. It was a pretty amazing hour that had me in tears. I think you've converted me Jimmy, I'll definitely be tuning in to your show a lot more often....especially on Fridays. (or at least watching it on Hulu the next morning. )

If you haven't ever seen them, here are a few to check out. And even if you have seen them, I  hope they make you laugh again!

(excuse the awkward sizing. i'm sure it doesn't bother year NEARLY as much as it bothers me.)




 

Little Anecdotes

Careful....this could be scary!

Today my Dad and I went to the market to do a quick ingredient round up for dinner. While weaving the aisles, because apparently that's what my Dad considers himself to be: a weaver, we stumbled upon a family argument in the frozen food section. A man and his two sons, probably middle school/ high school age, were firmly discussing which carton of ice cream they should buy. The son apparently contested his fathers idea, and said "Why would you get those two ice creams, they are practically the same flavor?" Of course my first thought was. why wouldn't you get both cartons? Even if they were they same flavor, which they were not, you can never have too much ice cream. This was obviously not their family mentality as they continued to argue, leaving me baffled as we walked by. And like clock work, as we passed the family, my Dad turned to me and said, "Now that's a problem our family would NEVER have. Why not buy five cartons of ice cream."

Welcome to life with the Weldens. Come on over, we'll make you a five flavor ice cream sundae.... with all the fixings.

My parents are very distinguished

November Schmovember

November Night with the Girls

It's November! First of all, where the hell did time go? I literally have finals in a month, and then I will officially be done with my first semester of grad school. Only three to go after that! Guess I better get on that thesis topic. But don't worry, I have some ideas I am pretty excited about, and I will undoubtedly become one of those obnoxious people who can't stop talking about their thesis. So get excited friends. Other than finals prep, November means a lot of things for me:

The beginning of the Holiday season!! Woo hoo. I absolutely love this time of year; pumpkin flavored everything, hot chocolate, ice skating, hats, boots, insane amounts of Welden baking, and just good ole quality time with the family. Not to mention Thanksgiving food! My favorite, and this year I have to eat double time, because last year I was a vegetarian, so I missed out on all the turkey and ham. I assume I'll probably eat myself into a turkey coma, but don't worry I'll make sure I get in my fair share of candied yams before I pass out. Can't wait! Then Hanukkah and Christmas; hello latkes and lots of delicious desserts. I'm really into food, in case you couldn't tell. And then January, which means a New Year, but most
importantly....VEGAS!

Last year's amazing Vegas Adventure

Although I couldn't be more excited for the Holidays, November also means the end of my social life as we know it. I am about to enter into a retail black hole and I won't be resurfacing until January 1st. That is if I don't get rampaged by some crazed, money saving, stroller pushing, raging mother trying to swoop up all the best deals for all her Holiday shopping. When working in such a dangerous industry as retail, this occurrence is a very plausible possibility. But what this means for you guys, my loyal followers, is lots of stories about shopping psychos. This will include, but not be limited to, a crazy shift on Black Friday, starting at 3am, and the glorious 36 hours that my store has decided to stay open for some non stop last minute Christmas shopping. Hilarity and stupidity are sure to ensue.

Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum

In other news, my Halloween was pretty rocking. I once again succeeded in making some pretty sweet costumes, and my friends and I proceeded to relive our college years by picking the fratty-est bar to celebrate in. I guess you can take the girl out of the sorority, but not the sorority out of the girl. It was a top night if you ask me, and we even got to see someone get tazed in the end. The cherry on top of a fantastic evening. I love a night out that concludes in a good moral lesson; don't resist arrest and you'll probably avoid getting tazed. As for actual Halloween I got to work a nine hour shift and then come home and hang out with my family. I think once again this picture will provide you more insight into how I became the lovely person I am today.

Welden Family Halloween 2010

Yep, that's us. In dog masks. Playing poker on the front porch. And handing out candy. A lot of people got a good kick out of it, so I'll admit it was a witty idea of my fathers. Things I learned from that evening: I'm always in when it comes to poker. Especially when I haven't seen the flop yet. And I am always down for a good $600 bet, even when I have absolutely nothing. Despite my arguments, "almost a straight" and "almost a flush" mean nothing when it comes to Poker with the fam. I find this to be ridiculous.

For those of you who enjoy shopping at any Old Navy, Gap or Banana Republic, it's friends and family weekend starting on the 11th. Here's a coupon for 30% off all the stores. Use it and reuse it and enjoy! 5% of all the purchases go to my charity Feed America! Cute clothes and a mitzvah at the same time. Could you ask for more! 

Give and Get is Here!: "Enjoy 30% off from November 11-14 at Gap, Banana Republic and Old Navy plus we'll make a 5% donation to a non-profit."