is anyone else out there LOST?

so about five years ago, i got myself involved in this new little show called Lost.

(just before we get into this, let's take a minute to go back five years and check out life back then: that would put me in my senior year in highschool, awkward, thinking the valley was awesome, and having probably some of the worst friends anyone could have. basically what i am getting it is, life has drastically changed since then)

now back to Lost. the show was advertised all over tv, and presented an interesting premise, so my family and i tuned in. my first thought was hey, good looking people, interesting twists, and some seriously hot love triangles. sounds a okay to me. cut to five years later:

what the FUCK is going on?

seriously though, when is this madness going to end, when are all the story lines going to come together and when am i going to get all my freaking answers!! this has by far been the most commited relationship that i have had with a tv show ever. yeah i was obsessed with friends back in the day, but in no way did i invest as much effort into that, as Lost has forced me to do. ross and rachel breaking up never emotionally drained me, and left me confused with no hope for clarification. not only that, but this show continually takes eight month long hiatuses, and i still crawl back for more. and every week, more and more characters are introduced and now time traveling is involved. it is really getting ridiculous. but i am h-ooooo-ked. i don't think i will ever understand.

it has been so long since the show started that i cannot even keep track of what has happened. i figure the producers purposely did that because they are planning to rake in the big dough with the series super special DVD release, Lost encyclopedia included. so there goes five years of my life and a 150 dollars. and all just to understand why this magical island makes paralyzed people walk, turns the dead into alive, and kills people with scary black smoke monsters. i think i was once warned as a kid not to get involved in nonsense. it has now become very clear that i don't listen well.

i just don't get it. i'm absolutely Lost. and i cant even laugh at that pun, because i know it's on purpose. all i have to say is they better give me some freaking answers, and it better be good. i am not going to settle for some bullshit about a time continuum. or an effing dream sequence. i have invested five years, probably six by the end, to being a dedicated viewer of this show, the least they can do is show me some more half naked bodies, some hot sex scenes, and come up with an amazing explanation to this madness.

well i am off to get Lost. whatever have i got myself into?

and then it got weird...

back in the day, when i didn't have a blog (so like two months ago) i always thought that this would be something so weird and characteristic to my personality, that it would of course, have to be a post someday. and now, with my very own blog, i am going to make my dreams become reality. see kids, when you set your goals high, your aspirations come true...

automatic flushing toilets. 

they just seem to be all the rage. i'm not really sure why. i guess most likely they cut down on the amount of germs you contract from touching the handle to flush in a public bathroom. and for that i suppose i can give them some respect. i suppose not everyone has the balance of a flamingo, as they use their other leg to push the lever down. and also not being much of a germ-a-phobe myself, flushing the toilet the old fashioned way never really got to me. but boy, these automatic flushers have, and here i will tell you why:

situation #1

so you walk into the stall, hang your bag up, or your jacket, turn around to get a toilet seat cover and neatly lay it down. make sure you punch the whoha hangy thing down, so the whole thing doesn't slip off as you slowly maneuver yourself down to sit. you do your business, stand up, pull your pants up, and without warning the toilet has already begun flushing. you quickly swivel around, but before you can do anything the toilet has finished flushing with all the contents, leaving that lovely seat cover still stuck to the seat. you then proceed to spend the next couple minutes peeling the cover off, throwing it into the bowl, and trying to trick the toilet into flushing again. and let me tell you, those flushers are not tricked easily. 

i mean am i the only one who has this problem? it's like pretty much every time i use a public bathroom, which is quite concerning to me? and if not, please enlighten me, what on earth am i doing wrong?? if on the blessed day that situation #1 is not troubling me, i am of course trapped in...

situation #2

you walk into the stall, get everything set up, do your business, finish up, and the toilet will not freaking flush. so of course you spend the next couple of minutes doing what can only be called as the "automatic flushing jig" to again simulate to the flusher that you are finished. sometimes, if it's a lucky day, you can find a button on the toilet that will manually flush it, but other times, those buttons are seriously camouflaged. and what really makes the situation even more awkward is when there is a line in the bathroom (which for women, happens more often than not) and someone is waiting for your stall. what are you supposed to do, walk out and say. "hi, i'm lauren, and i'm twenty one years old, and i couldn't figure out how to flush the toilet. enjoy!" 

this could create fear in people. i sense an epidemic of toilet phobias in our future. we must do something to stop it, we cannot let these automatic flushers control us. i just don't understand why going to the bathroom has to be so difficult. 

verdict: i may be borderline clinically crazy, have just been imagining this whole thing, and now instead of opening the eyes of the world to a serious problem, have just made myself the butt of a lot of toilet humor. 

excuse me, may i, please....thank you.

manners. sometimes i think i am one of the few people in the world to have been taught manners when i was growing up. no offense to my generation, but you guys are RUDE! it never really occurred to me that politeness was something people lacked until others kept commenting on how unusual it was to hear someone use it. but now, using my super observational skills, i see exactly what they are talking about. some people have absolutely no tact.  

for example, when did it become okay to answer your phone in the movie theatre? why on earth would you think that the hundred other people enjoying the deep intellect of the latest chick flick, would rather hear you telling your bff you can't hang out. we all know you can't hang out, you're in a movie!! let it go to voicemail, i promise it won't be the end of your world. or what about talking on your phone in the library? i have no idea why i would assume i could get some quiet study hours in, when you obviously have to catch up with your mother. a little tip for the future: try talking on the phone outside, that way you won't have any silent study-ers affecting the conversation. and lastly, just because you got to class early, and the teacher hasn't arrived yet, does not mean the entire class wants to hear about your raunchy one night stand. i always knew one day i would be punished for being extremely punctual. 

hmm maybe it can be concluded that the invention of cell phones was really where our manners went down the drain. i wonder if anyone has done any research into that. but seriously, call me old fashioned, but we as a generation need to work to keep manners alive. i challenge all of my readers (all two of them) to say please, and thank you, and hopefully influence others to do the same. 

i mean this is serious, in a few years "bless you" after sneezing could be extinct!!

under pressure

so i have a problem.

it has suddenly become apparent to me that i cannot do anything that needs to be done unless under the pressure of extreme procrastination. i have lost all motivation... to do anything. let's call it movo. i've lost my movo. and i am really interested in getting it back, but obviously it is just going to have to wait until i do a thousand other useless things first. for example, i am taking two english classes this semester. both recquire that i read multiple books, which is something i have definitely been struggling with. i mean who has time to just sit and read. i know i certainly don't, unless of course, for some ridiculous reason i get involved in reading twilight. AGAIN. then suddenly i have hours and days to just relax and dream of edward cullen. and now here i am, two previously read books in, and absolutely no where closer to passing any of my classes.

ugghh when did i become such a slacker?

i do have to say that it has progressively gotten worse. the more time i spend in school the lazier i get. that really should be my incentive for getting out faster, but instead i proooooocrastinated. i'll be taking another year. it's wierd because i like school, i like learning, i don't really mind doing the work, annnnnd i get frustrated and really sick when i leave things to the last minute.but that hasn't stopped me and somehow i always manage to scrape by. mom and dad should be so proud.

here it is, sunday, another weekend completely wasted and nothing to show for it, except a cozy dent in my bed from where i have been laying all weekend, and a feeling of lust after a sexy vampire. i have a whole mess of sewing to do, including fixing the effing machine first, but of course it's just going to have to wait. my movo is still MIA, and mr. cullen awaits...

Reasons Why Group Projects SUCK:

1. It is virtually impossible or organize a convenient time to meet (outside of class) when you are working with multiple school and work and life schedules. "well looks like 3am it is!"

2. No matter what, one person always ends up doing most of the work: whether it's you because you're anal compulsive, or your partner because you're being lazy...either way it sucks balls.

3. Due to lack of meeting time, there is always some sort of scramble at the last minute to throw it all together, causing unneeded stress and anxiety to the group.

4. Sometimes you just fucking hate your group members: newsflash! they are probably lame.

5. There is always some struggle with difference of opinion: two hours into the meeting you realize you're fighting over whether to use glitter glue or paint pens, and that's a serious disagreement.

6. They're expensive: i don't know if it's because teachers think that since you are in a group it must magically mean everything is cheaper. lies. especially if you opted for those glitter glues.

7. It always seems they are due in the middle of midterms and finals: teachers seem to be under the impression that group work is not nearly as hard as writing papers and taking exams. so you'll have no problem doing both, right? oh yeah no worries, looks like i have some time between 12am-6am that i have been wasting sleeping...

8. You get to meet new people: yes, but that doesn't mean that it's improving my life. if anything it just feeds into my anger management issues. why is bob such an idiot? no, but seriously...

9. Sometimes you get grouped with people who do not share the same ideals on communication as you: wait, so there are people in the world who don't check their email compulsively twenty times a day? well how am i supposed to get a hold of you?

10. Despite what they say, I do not feel better equipped for the real world: if i was assigned a group project at work, everyone would be into it, because it would be their JOB. they would be getting paid for it.

Well there's a thought....i should be getting paid to do group work. Well in that case...s-i-g-n me u-p!

random ramblings

i'm not mean. at least i never mean to be.
i'm not rude.
nor am i snobby.
i'm just sarcastic.
and dry.
i wish i could be outgoing
and friendly, and have everyone love me.
i wish i could carry on a conversation with anyone
about anything.
i wish everyone liked me,
and weren't so quick to judge my actions.
i hate that i have to be so sensible,
which people misconstrue to mean dull and no fun.
i wish i could be spontaneous,
or even girly and giddy,
i wish everyone didn't always assume i was a bitch
or that i didn't like them.
because odds are, i probably thought you hated me.
i wish i could be as comfortable around everyone
as i am with my closest friends.
i hate that i let people intimidate me.
people who are so undeserving.
i wish i could be the best.
i want to do it all with the best intentions,
and for all the right reasons.
i'm smart, and i want people to see it.
i'm happy, and i want to be able to show it.
i wish everyone could understand the anxiety i sometimes feel
in social situations.
i embrace my awkwardness.
and i wish everyone else could too.

POP!

i love poporn.

and i love my family.

now you might wonder how the two go together, or even how that connection formed in my mind. well the real question my friend, is how don't the weldens go together with popcorn. i wanted to write a little anecdote about my parents to hopefully give some insight into the bizarre world i live in. my parents rock. i mean they are awesome and the best parents anyone could ask for. and boy do they LOVE popcorn. must be where i developed my love as well. i can remember all the way back to elementary school, when we would sit and watch tv, my dad would pull out this ancient air popper and make himself a giant bowl of popcorn. and of course, he would melt a quarter stick of butter to drizzle on top. mr. welden loves popcorn so much so, that he proceded to purchase a popcorn machine. (just one of the many quirky things we own) and you better bet, any time we sit down on the couch to watch something, he will pop some corn in that machine, and sit and eat it, stripped bucket and all. but that is just the amatuer rounds. it's when the weldens hit the movies when things really get serious. here's a normal welden movie endeavour:

as a family we always arrive to movies at least a half hour before it starts. (the previews are the best part! duh! plus we like to sit in the back center, and those seats are hot commodoties) but most importantly, there must be time to do a consession stand run. and this is how those go: one parent and one child stay behind to guard the seats, while the other parent and child take the drink orders and proceed to the stand. they will order four drinks, and the biggest popcorn, whichever comes with the free refill, and also two of those nifty cardboard trays. with skill and technique they will carry the giant popcorn and all four drinks (plus napkins!) up to where the other parent and child remain. napkins will be passed out accordingly, and the trays will be placed in the hands of each child. (we're not important enough to eat out of the bucket). a parent will then dump out the popcorn evenly into the two trays, and then take the empty bucket downstairs for an instant refill. (who wants to risk missing five minutes of the movie to refill popcorn! so efficiet, i know). the three who remain in the theatre will all cross their fingers in hopes that they don't mark the bag, so we can get, thats right, a SECOND refill. two giant bags of popcorn are not enough for us weldens. but sometimes its a risky game, many times we have gleefully exited the theatre with a third full bag of warm popcorn for the drive home, and others we have left with our heads hung solemnly, stomachs growling for just that little bit more of salty goodness.

bet you never knew how serious popcorn can really be.

and yes, there is reason one of a billion of how i became me.

Oh My God!! Like Totally Gag Me With a Spoon!!

in middle school, i thought it would be the coolest thing in the world, if i actually used phrases from Frank Zappa's song "Valley Girl" in my real life. obviously there are a lot of problems with this, but the first i would like to clear up, is that i am an actual valley girl, born and raised. one time my brother's cousin (they're half brothers) came into town from nothern california and told me he was excited to go back to his friends and tell them he met a real live valley girl. at the time i didn't think anything of it, but looking back, that was probably a quiet slam against "my kind." i'll admit that the time in my life where i was like totally using like after like every sentence, and like referring to things like being totally like grody to the max, was definitely not one of my finer moments in history, but hey i was young and didn't know any better.

as i grew up the exaggeration of my valley girls speech shrank, and came what it is today. what i thought is a normal way of speaking. still living in the valley no one ever said anything about it, because that was how everyone spoke. that was the dialect that belonged to our community, and we all used it the same. surprisingly i even survived a year or two in san francisco where people never bothered me about it for the most part. maybe it was because i befriended a lot of people from southern california, more importantly other valley girls. (i wonder now if there was any rhyme or reason to that) anyway, it was not until recently that i have become completely fed up with all the flack people give me for the way i talk.

i came to san francisco because i hated the valley and i wanted out. i absolutely love it here, because it's beautiful, and accepting of all sorts of people, except southern californians i guess. i just don't understand how a group of people who say things like "hella" and "hyphy" all the sudden have the right to make fun of the way i speak. i understand that saying like often, and oh my god, is not one of the most elite ways of speaking, but that is how i learned to speak, and it is in no way wrong. i can't imagine how they think they sound less stupid saying they are "hecka tired" than someone saying they are "like totally tired." to me they sound one in the same.

also for clarification being a valley girl and being a snob are two completely different things. i may have grown up loving the mall, and not wanting to break nails etc, but i have never once been snobby towards someone. according to dictionary. com, a snob is "a person who imitates, cultivates, or slavishly admires social superiors and is condescending or overbearing to others." aka, i think you actually have to be popular to be a snob.just because you are a valley girl, most definitely does not make you popular. (which is a whole different post on its own). so please don't call me a snob. i do not appreciate it.

and just as a last fyi, there are a lot of people from southern california who do not consider themselves better than nothern californians. just some simple folk who want to fit in up in the north and enjoy the beautiful atmosphere.

i'm getting CRAAAZY.

i'm twittering now too. i really like it. it's more my kind of thing. i tend to have a hard time writing long posts. i like to sum my life up in sentences. haha. it's like facebook status updates. only on twitter no one judges you for changing it three times in one day. anyway, you can check it out.

www.twitter.com/elleeuu


long winded posts to come. get excited.

UGGHH

i hate money. and that all of my life problems seem to stem from the fact that i never have any.