Words from the Wise

I officially started Graduate School....no turning back now! Despite the usual frustrations that come along with attending school, I am honestly really excited to be getting my Master's degree. The past few weeks in my classes have really made me realize that this is exactly what I want to be doing. So although I joke that this decision was all a big procrastination scheme to avoid growing up, it's actually part of the plan, and I wouldn't imagine my life any other way.

Doing a Graduate program is completely different that your Undergrad. It's insane. I kind of feel like a celebrity, I mean they really pull out all of the stops for you. You can practically pick and chose exactly what classes you want to take, you get a lot of extra perks, like extra library usage, special study areas, and the teachers and advisers are all so willing to meet with you and provide any help necessary.And then in the end I get to write a 120 page thesis paper on pretty much anything I want, as long as I can back it up with some research. How cool is that?

I figured, as a warm up, I'll write you a little piece about fashion right now. Obviously I'll probably never be able to parlay this into my thesis, and at this point in time I have no real research other than my personal opinion (why that isn't enough I'll never know). But I am very passionate about this, and I think it's important to share with the world:

Reasons Why I Have No Respect for Women Who Wear Jeans With No Back Pockets.

1. I know you bought those jeans in the juniors department. I can guarantee when you pull our your size tag, it's going to have an odd number on it. 5, 7, 9. Those would be juniors sizes, which in case anyone needed some clarification is meant for girls going through puberty. While you may have felt Paris Blues were a trusty jean through your middle school years, it is very important that you let go and accept the fact that you are no longer a teenager. I can't take you seriously as you strut through the market in your pocketless, bedazzled Baby Phat skinny jeans, I'm too distracted by the fact that you're pants are shouting "Immature! and Irresponsible!" at me.

 2. Pockets are amazing. Why anyone would want less pockets in the world is beyond me. Believe it or not this is one of the few design elements in the world that actually has a function! You can put things in them, like cash, or your ID, or your hands as you're standing around waiting for your friends to show up. There is nothing like trying to slickly pose attractively, while a cute guy walks buy, only to stumble as your hands slide right down your ass, because there was no pocket there to stop them. Plus, did I mention you can put things in them!

3. Not only do pockets have a practical function but they have a visual function as well. To make your ASS LOOK SMALLER! Seriously. Pocketless pants just shout "Look at my ass!" Which don't get me wrong, is awesome, if you have a great ass. Unfortunately in my experience most of the great asses in the world have more dignity and respect and spend most of their time parading around in pocketed denim. They too get self conscious you know. With those asses being covered up, it just leaves a bunch of cottage cheese jiggly-ness for the rest of us to witness. And if that isn't a sight for sore eyes, I don't know what is.

4. VPL- Visible Panty Line. Before we get into this one I would just like to say I hate the word "panties," but I understand that it is necessary to the topic so I am willing to make an exception. I'll just break this one down for you. The only reason you wear pocketless jeans is to show off what you consider to be a "great ass." If you wear regular underwear, all anyone can see is that thick outline under your pants, cutting into what you consider to be a "great ass." Therefore we cannot appreciate this considered "great ass" because we are too distracted by the incredibly large amount of underwear you have crammed under those tight jeans. All in all, just invest in something with some pocketage in the back. Or if you are insistent that you have a "great ass" get yourself a thong, or at least have the decency to go commando. 

5. The original jean sans back pockets is a little garment you so fondly refer to as Mom Jeans. So just remember next time, when you are thinking you are infusing some flavor and unique style into the world, you're wearing pants that originated from that wretched thin, high mid waisted, tapered number your grandmother used to wear. There is no amount of "modern" jewels and adornments that can hide that fact from the world. Hopefully next time you'll be wise and think twice before squeezing into those pocketless pants.

I hope the overall consensus after reading this bit is that all jeans baring no back pockets should be burned and never brought back into society. If you really have an issue with pockets, try a nice slack, or possibly something with a less noticeable welt pocket in the back. And for the love of God, don't pick something so tight! Or if you must, wear some leggings, but that could be quite another risk that I would love to discuss at another time. Like tights, I have a lot of things to say about leggings. Just embrace pockets, you never know, they could change your life!

Snoozer Loser

I have never been much of a snoozer. I could never really understand the point behind it; the alarm goes off, you snooze, you finally fall back asleep, and then the alarm just goes off again! It seemed so frustrating to me. I have always been a "get up as soon as the alarm goes off" kind of a girl. That was of course until recently, when I really discovered what that snoozing button is all about. And that has led me to nothing but trouble...

Believe it or not, I actually used to consider myself to be a morning person. My whole family (with the exception of my sister) are pretty early risers, and I have never had a problem getting out of bed, even if I didn't really want to. But lately this has not been the case. Whether it be the lack of sleep due to all my final projects, or the fact that I have developed probably the biggest case of senioritis known to mankind, I have just been so freaking tired all the time! Getting out of bed has become the bane of my existence, and I am ready to do anything to prolong it. And so snoozing gets involved...

Looking back on it, it's really a big surprise that snoozing didn't corrupt my life sooner. I mean I LOVE to procrastinate, which is exactly what the snooze buttons enables; just five more minutes before I have to get out of bed. Just FIVE more minutes! Cut to me, ten snooze hits later, jumping out of bed and having to forgo my morning crack coffee, because I'm going to be late to class. And I am never late. I began to hate myself and everything the snooze button made me become. But my addiction got so bad that I started setting my alarm two hours a head of when I really needed to get up, just so I could feel the power of snoozing. This, I have to say, was not one of my brighter plans in life, but I just couldn't stop.

It's clear that I had developed a problem, one that needed to be solved immediately, but I wasn't sure if I was ready to give up my snoozing. I tried to tell myself that it was under control, and I could stop at any time, but I have now realized that I lack the self control needed to take up snoozing professionally. I will never be able to do anything more than dabble in the amateur level, and it seems the consequences are starting to outweigh the perks at an alarmingly (oh puns are fun) fast rate. This morning after snoozing six times, I fell asleep only to wake up at 8:07, when my class started at 8:10. Unacceptable. I have never been this sloppy and scattered, and I don't like it at all. So snooze button, our short lived flame was fun while it lasted, but it's back to the traditional one time alarm for me.

I guess what they say really is true. You snooze, you lose!

For G.G, With Love

It miraculously seems like I pulled it off. Somehow I managed to think up seven designs, sew them together, and get every single one of them down a runway. I'm still not sure how any of this happened, but I know that there were A LOT of people who made it possible. This whole past month has only proved to me that I quite possibly have the best family and friends in the world, and I'm sorry to get a little mushy, but I think it's necessary to thank them...right now...on this blog.

Most importantly, this line was for my grandmother G.G, without whom I wouldn't have ever learned to sew or swear at that god damn machine quite so eloquently. I wish she could have been here to see it, I think despite the many flaws and mistakes, she still would have been proud. I'll always be thinking of her when I'm attempting to sew something together, made with love....and then blood, sweat and tears. Of course.

This past month has been an insane blur, I'm still confused on how it all came together. But I know I owe the people who put up with me on a daily basis BIIIIG time. My parents are obviously amazing, always believing in me, for who knows what reason. My Dad taking me to the garment district, and just calmly watching as I had a "light orange pink, but not too pink, but not too orange" fabric meltdown. Then walking with me to store after store searching for the perfect blue khaki, only to finally decide the fabric I had passed up a thousand times, was actually exactly what I was looking for. Oh those crazy designers! My Mom for ripping the seams in all the mistakes I made, and cutting my patterns out of fabric. She even let my "sewing studio" explode all over her dinning room table for a week...and not once did she ever complain about the mess.


My sister Ally, and Nath for spending an entire 28 hours straight with me, the day before it was all due, cutting threads, ripping seams, and keeping me company. All though they were wary about it, they even let me have my coffee equipped with caffeine shots twice in one day. (Decaf is for babies!) But more than likely that was for their own benefit, I saw all the smiling and laughing as I mumbled things incoherently in my cracked out state. Those 28 hours were sleepless and rough, and I'm grateful that they stuck by my side as there definitely was a moment where I ended up crouched in a ball, in tears. I was going to throw it all away and give up, and they told me I had to power through. In that dark moment, somewhere amongst all my panic, Ally was able to MacGyver me an invisible zipper foot, basically saving the day (or reaaaally early morning). I was ready to just call all the outfits "backless." Zipperless and unfinished...new up and coming fashion trend! Watch out!

But most of all I think I have to thank Kimi. This would have never happened without her. Between her button sewing, zipper creating, hook and eye attaching, and knack for laying down the rules, I would not have had a single item to bring in that Monday morning. She sat up the entire night with me. From 6pm until 7am the next morning when I put all my garments on hangers and walked out the door. She even co piloted a 3am Walgreen's run, for duct tape and crazy glue. And at 5 am, when all I wanted to do was stalk people on facebook, she made it blatantly clear how irresponsible that was, and ordered me to keep sewing. So I did. Sew. Sew. Sew. Throughout this entire process she has been there to answer my stupid color and cut questions, and to okay every design decision I made. (So if you hated it all, blame KIMI!) Juuust kidding. If you didn't like it, you can suck it. So thanks once again to my buddy. Love, your pal.

Thanks also to Nicole who brought over her machine for me to borrow, even if i did maybe break it (which if it needs to be fixed, you better let me pay for it!) All of my models who looked absolutely beautiful, but especially Chelsea and Melissa, who let me practically molest them in alterations, and helped cut threads when I was adjusting everything. Plus they made me laugh. I needed it for the small amount of sanity I kept. Sammie, obvs, for just being her, and for enthusiastically loving all my clothes, even when they were still in muslin. Oh yeah, and for attempting to dress me. But really just humoring me in wearing the ridiculous outfit I picked out. Thanks to everyone who came out and supported the show, my brothers for being my professional photographers (even if you seemed a little too interested in the nipple pictures you got). And lastly to all of you who wished me good luck! It meant a lot to me that you even remembered it was happening. But then again I have been blogging, facebooking, and tweeting about it for a month now, so maybe there was no way you could forget.

I am so relieved that it's all over. I can't believe all of that work just disappeared in a quick four hours, but it was well worth it. Unfortunately for you all I did not trip down the runway, but apparently this was the face I decided to go with. I just couldn't figure out what I was supposed to do, wave? I'm not a princess or a celebrity. Clap? It seemed a little too "go me!". So obviously halfway sticking my tongue out was the appropriate middle ground. Sometimes I really am such a goon. But a goon with some amazing people in her life, so thanks again to EVERYONE! (especially my loyal readers, you guys are pretty freaking cool. i promise less sewing stress means more fun bloggin!)

t minus 7 days!

i have pretty much had no life the past couple of weeks except: cut. sew. rip it out. do it again. cut. sew. rip it out. do it again. third time's the charm? try twentieth time.

my fingers are sore, and sick of being pricked with pins and needles, my wrists can barely hold my steroid infused scissors, and the only things i ever think about are zippers, buttons, thread, and that awful zig sag stitching.

oh that wretched zig zag stitching.



but i'm gonna power through! the fashion show is in ONE WEEK!! i officially have four days to finish all my garments. yiiiiikes.

there just isn't enough time in the day, i might even have to reschedule my birthday, which sucks. who knew that 23 years later i would be kicking myself for being so impatient and popping out six weeks early. although april is the absolute BEST month, i'm thinking it wouldn't be so bad to be a may baby right about now...

ONE MORE WEEK! and i will get my life back. ONE MORE WEEK! and i will finally be able to see the floor in my room. ONE MORE WEEK! and i can sleeeeeeeeep. ONE MORE WEEK! and i can do something stupid, hopefully resulting in a hysterical story to share with you all.

ONE MORE WEEK! see ya'll when i emerge on the flipside!

March Madness

Now before all your sports fanatics start salivating in excitement, unfortunately this post will have nothing to do with the ever so popular bracketology. While I have never really been into college basketball and those crazy brackets that come along with it, even if I wanted to, I never would have had time this month. Hence the serious lack of bloggage. My March has been ABSOLUTE madness!

School and work have consumed me. Somehow I have been working 35 hour weeks along with sewing tons of garments, reading books, and writing papers. Every once in a while I throw in some sleep, food, and the occasional catching up with people via any means of communication possible. I feel absolutely burned out, but there is no time for rest.

In April I will be making my first fashion show debut, creating a line with seven looks that all have to be impeccable as they travel down the runway. I am so nervous, and it's time to crack down. I'll be heading home for a week or so, and you better bet I am putting my family to work. I'll basically be running a slave like sweatshop out of my parents house, so if you don't want to be sucked in, I'm warning you now to stay away. But I can't promise you won't get recruited anyway. Have two hands? Looks like you'll be cutting!

I have spent the past couple of weeks finishing up my individual garment for the show, made completely out of "industrial" objects. Basically anything non fabric. I chose balloons and duct tape. My sewing machine did not much agree with this combination, leaving me frantically piecing it all together last night. It came out pretty decent, and with a few more adjustments I think it will look pretty cool going down the runway. It's times like this that make me think maybe I didn't throw the last five years away on a major I could never be successful in. You can decide for yourself.



So for the next month or so, excuse my small break in blogging. I'll keep updating as much as possible, but I can guarantee you I will be freaking out in two weeks, probably bleeding pins and needles and crying in a corner rocking back and forth. Sometimes it's rough always having to be so creative. =)

GRE-at!

After a long, ridiculous road, I am finally graduating with my undergraduate degree in May. Phew! But now what? Well in an effort to avoid having to figure out what I want to do for the rest of my life, I am hoping to go to grad school. I actually love going to school, and I have always wanted to pursue higher education, so it's not completely a grand plan of procrastination, just something else I'll eventually get to check off my list. One day in the future, I want to earn my doctorate (yeah I must really love school) because I think it would be a great accomplishment and just be really cool to be Dr. Lauren. Okay, okay, you caught me, at least half of the reason I want to do it is because even though it will be completely unrelated to medicine, it will make me feel much more professional when I'm WebMD self diagnosing all my health issues.

In order to attend grad school you have to take a fun little $160 test called the GRE. My test date is in a couple of weeks and because I haven't taken a Math class since freshman year statistics, or a basic English class since high school, I am cramming like crazy. Fortunately, about 6 months ago, in an effort to sound smarter, I signed up for a word of the day email. So when I opened my GRE book, I gave myself a smug pat on the back for knowing more than half the popular GRE words. Now, in order to drill them into my mind I am going to project them upon you via my blog. See it's going to be educational for me AND for you! Don't say I never gave you anything...

If everything goes according to plan, I really think this is a laudable idea. Incorporating these words into my blog will be just the challenge I need to help me use them fervidly in my everyday life. While I am still learning just like you, I can’t promise that it will be lucid, but I’ll try and assuage the situation by discreetly throwing a word or two into my many paragraphs of hysterical humor and wit. That way you won’t even know you’re learning. I know what you’re thinking, how audacious of me to even attempt such a tough feat, but hey, a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do… so she does well on the GRE. Yep, here is yet another ridiculous idea of mine that only corroborates the fact that I might just be crazy…but in a good way, right?

oh dad loves those dioramas.

every once in a while someone will call me an overachiever. my response to that is, WOAH there, let's not get carried away with big words quite yet. no need to make assumptions and label them as fact. let's set the record straight, i am not an overachiever, i am just a simple gal with a high level of common sense. i'm smarter than the average bear and therefore i have been able to ride the success train to mediocrity fairly smoothly. alright, maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration, but let it be known that i consider my laziness one of my most beloved traits, and i am out there to destroy any vicious rumors that are trying to discredit that fact.

i have a feeling the root of this rumor stems in my childhood, more specifically i am going to pin point it to that very first diorama project in elementary school, and then every similar project there after. and for those i have my father to thank.

my dad is actually a pretty cool guy. hopefully he'll read this, and then i'll be off the hook for the one time my friend said, "hey your dad's really smart" to which i replied without hesitation "not really." it's rare for someone to admit, and i maybe i'll regret it greatly later, but my dad actually does seem to know everything. seriously, it's creepy, in a good way, because at the same time it is extremely helpful. despite the fact that he lives in LA and i in SF i count on him to solve my endless problems, probably not the best dependency to have, but hey, at least it's not drugs. anyway my dad LOVES to build things. i can remember the twinkle in his eye when there was a new diorama project on the horizon. missing the connection? well i'll give it to you plain and simple:

remember back when that kid brought in their giant, perfectly to scale, foam carved, faux grass and moss covered, complete with miniature trees, animal habitat, and set it down next to your shoe box and play dough disaster? well that was me. the girl that made your diorama come to life and scurry away in it's own embarrassment.

my dad lived for dioramas. he was always so much more excited to them than i was. this was serious business. never once did i turn in a project in a shoe box, that was too simple. no we had to construct our own box shape from a larger scrap of cardboard. i can remember many a trip to the hobby train stores to pick up some moss and trees, shredded tissue paper just wasn't going to cut it, and i honestly had no idea that industrial spray glue was not something everyone just had lying around in their garage. despite the fact that my dioramas always looked far superior to anyone else's, as a kid i was always embarrassed to turn them in. i hated all the attention and envy i got from all the kids. i remember begging my dad to just do one project in a shoe box....please please can we make this one look crappy? oh kids just do the darndest things!

in fifth grade, we had to do some sort of diorama project on animals, and mine was a panda. well my dad got this great idea that we build the habitat in a box that closes completely, and then we poke a small hole in it. this way we can put in some panda pictures, and when everyone squints through the hole, it will look like they are three dimensional. i have the admit the finished project was pretty effing cool. i took it to school, and i am pretty sure my teacher had no idea what to do about it. i mean i got at A, it was awesome, and she understood that as well. but she put everyone elses on display and made a point to hand mine back and take it home. looking back it makes sense, because from the outside it just looked like a green box, but of course being as sensitive as i was i took it completely personally. the politically correct thing the teacher should have done was just kept mine up there, and i wouldn't have known the difference. but my fifth grade teacher was not very politically correct, among other things.

it was projects like this panda diorama, and my ninth grade three dimensional leafy sea dragon, that i am sure people have seen and assumed over achieving must be my thing. so let's straighten this out, moral of the story is, apparently my dad loves making dioramas. and what kind of a daughter would i be, to deny him that joy? so really, i'm not an overachiever, i am just a great person.

wow it seems i even learned something from this post.

i uh like clothes

i am an apparel design major. or for those of you who don't feel like getting technical i pretty much major in fashion. but fashion design, not merchandising like Lauren Conrad of the hills. i actually draw, and make patterns, and drape and sew. not to bash my fellow apparel majors, but sometimes it seems that any jack and jane who wear clothes feel like they should be able to major in fashion. and that frustrates me. i have wanted to do this ever since i was a little kid. i took sewing lessons in middle school, i have made countless halloween costumes, i made my parents by me fashion drawing books, and i even kept a very sad little portfolio in my awesome fivestar canvas covered three ring binder. sewing and creating has been a passion of mine for a long time, and i'm happy that i am finally pursuing it as a some what grown up. other than the fact that i know i enjoy my major, i know nothing else. i have no idea what i want to do, where i want to go, and how i plan to get there.

i respect a lot of the people who share my major, and it's awesome to be around so many people who think creatively and are so talented. but sometimes us fashion majors just crack me up, and here is a little anecdote that hopefully will bring a smile to your faces as well.

so this semester i am taking a textiles lab. it's a legit one unit lab class, with counters, white coats, gloves, goggles, and crazy contraptions. but don't be fooled, this is totally a fashion class and here is why. the other day we were doing burn tests on different fibers, man made and manufactured, to see what happens when they come in contact with flame. this is very important because linen for example goes up in flames very rapidly, and therefore if you spend a lot of time near fires, linen probably is not the fabric for you. the teacher asked us to please put on protective goggles as a safety precaution. she passed them out, and i, being the person i am put them on no questions asked. i heard some grumbling from people around me, and some girls asked if they could just wear their sunglasses. i was too preoccupied with watching my swatches engulf in flames that i tuned it all out. about fifteen minutes later i look up to see almost half the class sitting their burning their swatches in their over sized dior and chanel sunglasses. and right then i had to sit back, enjoy the moment, and accept the fact that we officially are the laughing stock of all lab classes.

take it from those fashion students, you can learn while still being trendy too!

finals: time to crunch, or crack...

i'm in the library (well the annex, the temporary library)...nope not studying. instead i am procrastinating. as if i couldn't procrastinate anywhere else, i chose to wake up early and come to the library do it. my hope is that somewhere in between all this procrastinating i will get at least some of my TWO papers done. probably more, than if i was procrastinating at home.

both of these papers, one ten pages, and the other seven, are due on thursday, and i have done maybe a quarter of each (and that is me being very generous to myself). i don't know what it is about me, that just cannot get anything done til it absolutely needs to be. i mean i have things to do tomorrow, which translates into, these papers better be done for the most part by today. which i fully understand, and yet here i am blog blogging away.

the library is such an intersting place to sit and people watch. the most random people come here. and the new cool thing about this temporary library is that you can bring whatever you want to eat in here. which is my new interesting thing to look at, because people bring EVERYTHING in here. seriously there is someone a few tables down eating mcdonalds with french fries smothered in ketchup. down a little bit from him, is a girl eating soup. it's crazy! two days ago i saw someone eating nachos. the only draw back is that instead of studying, i see people eating, which makes me think about how hungry i am, and what i want to eat to quench that hunger.

but today i came prepared!! (its the girl scout in me). i came equipped with snacks and a sandwich and tea, and gum and candy. so hunger is not going to overcome me. now if i could only just squash the procrastinating bug and go tackle these papers!!

wish me luck. i hope everyone is doing well on their finals!!

under pressure

so i have a problem.

it has suddenly become apparent to me that i cannot do anything that needs to be done unless under the pressure of extreme procrastination. i have lost all motivation... to do anything. let's call it movo. i've lost my movo. and i am really interested in getting it back, but obviously it is just going to have to wait until i do a thousand other useless things first. for example, i am taking two english classes this semester. both recquire that i read multiple books, which is something i have definitely been struggling with. i mean who has time to just sit and read. i know i certainly don't, unless of course, for some ridiculous reason i get involved in reading twilight. AGAIN. then suddenly i have hours and days to just relax and dream of edward cullen. and now here i am, two previously read books in, and absolutely no where closer to passing any of my classes.

ugghh when did i become such a slacker?

i do have to say that it has progressively gotten worse. the more time i spend in school the lazier i get. that really should be my incentive for getting out faster, but instead i proooooocrastinated. i'll be taking another year. it's wierd because i like school, i like learning, i don't really mind doing the work, annnnnd i get frustrated and really sick when i leave things to the last minute.but that hasn't stopped me and somehow i always manage to scrape by. mom and dad should be so proud.

here it is, sunday, another weekend completely wasted and nothing to show for it, except a cozy dent in my bed from where i have been laying all weekend, and a feeling of lust after a sexy vampire. i have a whole mess of sewing to do, including fixing the effing machine first, but of course it's just going to have to wait. my movo is still MIA, and mr. cullen awaits...

Reasons Why Group Projects SUCK:

1. It is virtually impossible or organize a convenient time to meet (outside of class) when you are working with multiple school and work and life schedules. "well looks like 3am it is!"

2. No matter what, one person always ends up doing most of the work: whether it's you because you're anal compulsive, or your partner because you're being lazy...either way it sucks balls.

3. Due to lack of meeting time, there is always some sort of scramble at the last minute to throw it all together, causing unneeded stress and anxiety to the group.

4. Sometimes you just fucking hate your group members: newsflash! they are probably lame.

5. There is always some struggle with difference of opinion: two hours into the meeting you realize you're fighting over whether to use glitter glue or paint pens, and that's a serious disagreement.

6. They're expensive: i don't know if it's because teachers think that since you are in a group it must magically mean everything is cheaper. lies. especially if you opted for those glitter glues.

7. It always seems they are due in the middle of midterms and finals: teachers seem to be under the impression that group work is not nearly as hard as writing papers and taking exams. so you'll have no problem doing both, right? oh yeah no worries, looks like i have some time between 12am-6am that i have been wasting sleeping...

8. You get to meet new people: yes, but that doesn't mean that it's improving my life. if anything it just feeds into my anger management issues. why is bob such an idiot? no, but seriously...

9. Sometimes you get grouped with people who do not share the same ideals on communication as you: wait, so there are people in the world who don't check their email compulsively twenty times a day? well how am i supposed to get a hold of you?

10. Despite what they say, I do not feel better equipped for the real world: if i was assigned a group project at work, everyone would be into it, because it would be their JOB. they would be getting paid for it.

Well there's a thought....i should be getting paid to do group work. Well in that case...s-i-g-n me u-p!